I'm taking things one day at a time, and it has worked out rather well. I actually found a doc who is in AA, and has overseen wheening me off for some time now, since I was unwilling to go any other route. I know, not the best way to start. But we've been hanging out a lot and seem to be going through the exact same issues. His fiance up and left a few years ago for school, and they are up and down, lots of resentment, but are trying to work things out. So I've made a good friend there.
I'm not worried about W, affecting the alcohol front. I didn't do this for her, I have been working on this for a while, and mostly started when I knew things would be over. However, since I have started all I can say is everything in my life is beginning to change, almost all for the good. She may support me, she may not, that is her choice.
Whatever happens, I'm just going to do a 180 in that I'm going to be nice to her as a friend, spend some time with her. If she likes what she sees, so be it, if not, so be it. There really is no point in us talking about our R, because there isn't one. I also wouldn't want her back because she thinks it could work. I would only want her back because she wants to be back. Everything else is just heading for another disaster. Which is not the type of life I'm willing to accept any longer.
Just as in AA, I'll take each day as it comes. God will provide me with the tools to handle any situation. No matter the outcome, it is the right outcome, so I'll have to accept it for what it is.
I might have already crossed an unforgivable line in her book, and if that is the case, then it is. Nothing I can do about that, but find and be me. She will have to handle her resentments and anger, I can't do that for her and I don't have control of that. But she is angry, and justifiably so. I've dealt with my issues with her over these months, and I'm not angry, I have forgiven her, I won't forget, but I won't hold a grudge, use it as a weapon or judge her.
I just have a calm, open feeling about life now and know that I will get through this and anything else that is thrown my way.
