FLTC, I'm glad my continual whining and self pity is picking you up! OT, sometimes I really do think I'm on the verge of an emotional breakthrough around the CB stuff and then, bang, something knocks me back a few notches! As a sane man, I know it's best to just follow my monicker "what is is" and not put labels etc on it. I will never know the why's or how's etc, you and I and everyone else can put our interpretations on what happened but in the big picture they are all meaningless. It's the same with W, I have to put her emotionally abusive behaviour (and CB is NOT being emotionally abusive towards me, just to be clear) behind me and not allow it to effect my self esteem, confidence etc. That, of course, is the way to go, again, what is is. But, somehow I just seem to keep missing the boat these days. I know it's a long process and I must be patient and loving with myself. I am not an iron man, I'm just a man and sometimes I hurt badly. I will overcome BUT WHEN! At church on Sunday the Pastor was talking about waiting for and trusting God to do things in HIS time, because we all (him included) get frustrated during difficult times and say "Lord, when is this going to end, when is what you promised me going to come!" It's called letting go and trusting that God has the best in store for each of us. I know I want to do that, I don't want to be someone who misses out on the great plans God has for me because I've had my head so far up my butt I can't see anything else. I don't want Him sitting up there mumbling "Would you get your head out of your butt and see the great things I've put out there for you to find!" Sometimes it all just feels so freakin' hard and then I get pissed with myself because part of the problem becomes me not letting go and creating more misery for myself. I guess we all do it to some degree but...urgghh!
