Piecing is hard...should I even do it?

[cat03]

he's got to face the reality that he's got this slimy, shame-ridden part of himself.

this is literally crushing my H, plus the fact that ow told him off that he ruined any R she could ever had and that she will go full swing back to her porno picts to make $$, she supposedly had stop that 'cause of him, so now H is fighting with that guilt.

instead of ever bringing up conflict with me, he would bury it. He would never discuss his feelings, never tell me anything was wrong. All this burying of feelings eventually led to anger building up...on both our sides. I was resentful and angry at the lack of connection. I couldn't give the nurturer in my life the one thing he needed: LOVE.

Ouch, same here, that's our story in a nutshell, H became a ticking time bomb.
On that book I mentioned, it says how different male depression is, how men are at some point unable to see what ails them, so they proceed to distract themselves and in the process make lousy decisions (leave, As) in an effort to stop the pain that eats them, that they dont' want to admit they have D, can't sort their feelings like us women, so that makes it harder to deal with the real issues.

It is hard to let them work it out and remain unaffected. I think the whole thing came crashing down on H again, he was xtra quiet and wanted to be alone yesterday, I am trying to understand. He does talk to me (but feels ackward) about the anger/guilt feelings towards ow, he is now putting two and two together and realizing the full pict of ow and her means to make $$ with her body and he is totally disgusted, he really didnt' know the whole thing until now.

I also remain a bit fearful, It will take us both a few months to put our defense walls down hon))))))))))))