I took a few days break because W was home all weekend...didn't have to work. I concentrated on giving her plenty of space, upbeat, GAL, all that. She actually thanked me on Saturday for being "nice."
We haven't had any arguments or confrontations at all for at least 3-4 days. Our conversations have been been light and polite. On Saturday night we went out to dinner with friends. We both had a good time. Afterward, I did get a short round of the "I don't know" speech, but I just smiled, listened intently, and said "I hear what you're saying". I think that's just "backlash". Whenever we have a good time together, I get a little bit of that.
What has worked is just giving her space and being available to listen and talk.
There's been a lot of intense controversy on these boards about whether you should confront your S over an EA or PA. I'm convinced that if an MLCer wants to have an EA or PA, they're gonna do it, regardless, and confronting will just drive them deeper into the arms of the OP. By confronting, I think I almost drove her out, and I most certainly set us back at least a month or two. I don't know...probably depends on the situation.
I'm still trying to detach the best I can. It's tough though. I still get emotional, usually once or twice a day. I guess that's part of the grieving process.
I'm starting to come to grips with the fact that, despite my best efforts, this could end with divorce. One year ago I never would have imagined us divorced. Now, I've accepted the fact that it could happen. Maybe that's progress, I don't know. I'm still having trouble picturing myself as happy after a divorce. I'm afraid of being alone more than anything.
There's a report by the AARP online about midlife divorce that's both scary and encouraging. Women usually initiate it at midlife. Men in their 50s have the hardest time emotionally coping (great...). But I guess the most important thing is that after the divorce, the majority of respondents (76%) felt they made the right decision. I guess I should focus on that.
