Cozy if you feel good being a cat then be a cat. If you don't then don't. Don't worry about how she feels about it. The reason you are worried about her asking about it is that you are doing it to manipulate her. Like you say you have a hidden agenda. Either that or you are doing it to protect yourself. Either way you are too focused on her and her power over you. Make the agenda YOU. You can still cuddle or compliment her IF you are doing it freely and without expectation of anything in return and if it doesn't make you feel worse doing it than not doing it.
i know that there's a switch,but i just don't know why it can't be touched? Oh Puleese! It's HER switch.
Now it sounds to me like your W is getting everything she needs in this R and is kind of comfortable, she doesn't need to put out because everything is hunky-dory just the way it is. Without necessarily knowing this is what she is doing she has learned to manipulate her way into a position of power within the M. The disinclination she feels about having sex is an instinct that by doing so she will be giving away some of her power. The economics of the situation you have helped to create is that sex has a scarcity value and you are willing to pay top dollar for it. Please note she is not mentally rubbing her hands and going heh heh heh - she is just doing it cuz it works in pretty much an unconscious fashion. She is fine where she is and has no reason to change.
Withdrawing a little will make her feel less comfortable. If she asks you about it maybe you just need to shrug and change the subject. Act like you are unaware that anything is different. It almost sounds like you are a suspect awaiting interrogation, Cozy, don't put yourself in that position.
Do what feels right to YOU and don't subject yourself to any questioning about it.
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
