First ILY in over 18 mos!!

[LL44]

This made me so happy to read! I actually gasped when I saw your title!!! I am so happy, girl, sooo darn happy.

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, girl. I actually went back & read your 1st thread yesterday (had some time; kind of bored @ work Anyway, you sure went through A LOT! and I just wanted to say High 5! It's so hard to hang in there, but for those of us who FINALLY got a 2nd chance, sure is worth it in the end, huh? Hugs!

[Heartbroken]

Thanks Red!

I plan to print off my old postings - to save for some reason. More so to see how far we have come along!

You know we pray and pray for the day at a "true" second chance and I still am afraid of yet another bomb - not that his actions are not matching his words - just that fear of getting hurt again. I am always pushing down my fears - some days are better than others!

HB

[RedHeadWife]

Yeah, I totally know what you mean. Like I just told Cat on her thread, being the LBS, we have learned completely different lessons than the WAS does during the whole D sitch. I know my H is completely recommitted, however, he never had any reason to *learn* the way I did how much work an M really takes. I still feel like I'm doing a lot of the legwork, however, I guess it's worth it. We managed to save our M's, right? I go back & forth a lot on the trust issue though. I think I know in my mind that he doesn't have any reason to cheat again, but sometimes my heart just still hurts from the pain it went through b/c of the infidelities and makes me question things.

[appleroad]

Thanks for the update, HB. I read your other two threads a week or so ago -- truly great threads, more engaging than a novel and I learned so much that was useful for myself. I loved, loved, loved the encouraging notes from Theoden! ("... you're gonna smoke that bitch... " will be on a permanent loop in my brain) So much support here in this online community. And I so much admired your sheer refusal to give up. Kudos, HB, for looking after your family while under extreme duress.

I was interested in what you had to say about Retrouville weekend. Actually, I wish you had written more about it. H and I are attending the Feb. 8/9/10 weekend. If you get a chance to write I'd love to hear more about your experience with Retrouville and how it changed your marriage dynamic.

[Heartbroken]

Sorry Apple - been busy at work/classes/offsites...

Regarding our Retro weekend - it was not the AhAh moment for my H - meaning he did not "immediately feel the love" - I think this seemed to happen for many couples there. There was a lot more hand holding or touching going on by the end of the weekend vs when we started. What it did do for my H and I was to get us to learn how to communicate with each other. We had tried separation, MC and he still feels that Retro was what helped him the most.

For you it will depend on your sitch - I had though my H had been completely done with OW - but she had called him on his bday in Sept (he had been home since July - yes these OPs just don't give up) and we did not do Retro until Oct. She knew about the weekend and tried to tell me (via email) that he mocked it - but I cannot believe her... So his OP was not completely out of mind... He was WILLING to try and work on us and we attended all our post sessions too...

The weekend gives you real couple examples on how they went through some major crisis and made it. You NEVER have to share anything personal with the group (we had 28 couples) unless you want to and all your private discussions you take back to the hotel room (or wherever you are staying). We cried a lot! (They had tissues at each table). So be prepared for an emotional weekend!

I hope I helped!

HB

[appleroad]

Thank you, HB. Yes, you did help me, thanks for your full account of Retrouvaille experience -- and also of persistent OW. What is it with these people, anyway?! WS at least has the excuse of MLC depression/altered state of mind -- what is OW excuse? Addiction to soap operas? (I'm not a religious person, so I refuse to accept the explanation of 'pure evil')

she had called him on his bday in Sept (he had been home since July - yes these OPs just don't give up) and we did not do Retro until Oct. She knew about the weekend and tried to tell me (via email) that he mocked it - I hope I helped!

HB

HB, I hope you keep posting on your thread. Your story really is very helpful to those of us coming along behind you. For myself, I have been in and out of a funk a lot lately, even though reconciliation is actually coming along very well. I am thinking that maybe this could be related in part to the 'anniversaries' coming up for me now -- it's been a year since this started happening for me, a year ago last early January I started intercepting the confusing emails between H & xOW. On his b'day, Jan. 30, there was a suspicious incident which sent me running to the computer, leaving the Bearnaise sauce to curdle (as any serious cook knows, it takes an awful lot to make her leave the Bearnaise sauce at the critical point!)

The one thing that really helps keep me on track and going steadily forward are the stories from others who have gone over this same ground. To realize that the story I am grappling with is not exactly 'my own', it is a shared script, many of the important details are experienced by others, the characters of WS and OW are pretty consistent, one can expect OW to behave in a particular way and so not to be thrown off when it happens. Ditto WS. It is like a 'syndrome' (in the medical sense). So I thank you for the update on your particular story and look forward to more.