OK, cease fire...cease fire....lock and clear all weapons!
The loving Iraq part has more to do with restoring my confidence in ME, I think. I have a great civilian job, and I think I'm really good at this job too, but had lost ALL confidence in ME. Also, 40% of the Active Army and more of the Reserves have not yet deployed. I had a hard time accepting that I had not done my part, and thought that I would go to my grave regretting that. This has been a HUGE boost to my confidence in my abilities, which had had tons of dirt piled on them by my constant beat-downs (Go back and read my old threads from last October...the beat downs were brutal)I'm like the rest of you...I don't understand or recognize the woman I married. I just kept waiting for it to chnage, and it got worse......
2. It has given me more time to wrap my head around the fact that a divorce is 99% expected when I go home. I really needed more time to get myself there, and this will have given me a lot of time. Those who have followed my thread will know I did not fare well at the beginning of this whole ordeal.
3. It has given me a lot of the old confidence back in ME that I once had. I KNOW once again that I am not what W. has made me feel like. (As No_Hill will attest to, I almost pulled out of this because I had lost all confidence in myself, and really didn't care about a lot. I was taking medication, living in a rat hole, and drinking too much.) I have climbed out of that and the ACCEPTANCE of that as a way of life.
