Hi everyone. Well, I really should change the title of this thread to "I know I want this". I do, I thought about it so much lately, I want what we have now. But, I don't want the insecurities that go along with it. I'm sure in time it will pass, but right now, while H is gone, my insecurities are at an all time high.
H emailed one time while he was gone, and called once to let me know he got there and again on Friday or Saturday (can't remember which day).
I emailed him the other day and sent an e-card "thinking of you". I know he read them yesterday because I got a receipt from the e-card. Well, during the EA he had last year, he would read my mail and not reply, not call, nothing. I was lucky if I got an email once a week, and a call from him every once in a blue moon, the calls and emails were all very basic (how are kids, etc., not very loving). Now that he's read my mail and not replying, I think that it puts me back to last year (at least in my mind). All of the questions are there like: why hasn't he written back? Why hasn't he called? What if he's in touch w/ex-EA, what if he's in touch with woman from 6 years ago (the one that he "thought about" but nothing ever came of it)?
All of these thoughts are running around in my head. I try so hard to not think about it. I already thought about barraging him w/questions after he gets home tomorrow, of course I'd give him to relax first, lol. I want to ask: are you happy? Are you still in love with me? Are you in contact with ex-ea, or woman from 6 years ago? I know I shouldn't ask those questions. I'm also scared that if I ask him to be honest, maybe he will tell me things I DON'T want to hear like : yes, I've had contact, no I'm not sure I'm in love with you, no I'm not really happy.
UGH! The crap that goes along with being the one that got hurt really sucks.
