Running, you have some interesting advice. Making it easier for the divorce. "This will all be over in 6 months." Did you find your approach to be helpful? Where are you now?
Well.... I didn't try to make it easier, I basically tried to make it *seem* like I was doing exactly what my husband wanted (i.e. divorce me as quickly as possible), even if I really wasn't. In other words, I said what he wanted to hear (with a sweet smile and the generosity of Mother Thesera). But I completely dragged my heels on the divorce. I filed paperwork as late as possible (too busy doing my nails and going to Starbucks!) and told my lawyer to hold off everything as long as possible. But, I did live in the family home so I was in a different position than you. You have to consider all the pros and cons of your situation. What I did worked for me. My husband couldn't continue to hold onto the anger, blame and hatred he had built up (to help validate the affair and his guilt).
Perhaps you've explained this, but why on earth is she in the home and you aren't? I hope you are severely restricting any money you give her so you can live.
I'm so sorry you don't have a home with the kids. Unfortunately, you can only do the best you can in the situation. Try to be creative and look for ways to have special times with the kids. In spite of the situation, try to make great memories. Unfortunately, your wife will probably use this situation to ensure she gets as much custody as possible (as well as child support).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
