I think the thing for me right now is my concern about the bigger issues my H has: His self-loathing, his narcissism.
The common wisdom on narcissism is if you are with one run the other way fast, they only get worse. I was told by my C that my H is a probably a narcissist. Most of them never change and there is no cure. They never think they have a problem, therefore they rarely get help. HOWEVER, people can have narcissist traits without having the disorder. Before you throw in the towel, you might want to be sure? Has your H been seen by a C? Sometimes other things look like narcissism, depression is one.
My H may be one, but it may also be that the trauma of what he has done has pushed him into that behavior. One thing we don't talk much about on this site is the trauma of guilt and shame. Often I wonder if the obvious guilt and shame my H feels has pushed him into a broken mental state of self loathing.
