Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 11 12
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,041
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,041
(Mojo) However, BB is right to slap my little monkey paw because I really should be spending more time on the Wealth quadrant of my life.

If you're just having fun and playing while working to square away other parts of your life, then no problem (and I can relate). It's just that when you asked for help in moving from a one-up/one-down situation to something more balanced, it seemed like you were wanting to make a relationship work. That would be a cry for help if I ever heard one.

I also find it very odd that an attractive captain-of-industry is nosing around the online dating scene. Not long ago I thought that women held all the power in the dating game. Now I believe it's better to be a man when it comes to real world dating, but online dating is solidly the province of women. To me, it's a waste of time, so I'm not sure why this guy is hanging out there. Seems like his dating plate should be full without the online component. If he's just playing around, then whatever, but he seems a bit clingy for that to be the case. It'll be interesting to see what happens.

At any rate, my dude-enna advice for you is not to figure out how to make anything work with him. Just figure out what he is and then take it or leave it. This is your time for playing the field and having fun, not getting attached to some guy because he calls you every night.


Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 5,260
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 5,260
Originally Posted By: Mojo
The other night he said something to me like "I know you are less optimistic about this relationship than me because you never call me." So to me that seemed like he was feeling insecure and one-down and asking for reassurance. I thoroughly agree that my reaction which was to feel empathy/sympathy and want to reassure him is a sign of me falling back into my natural tendency towards a sweet one-down groove and that is why I asked you about it.


He's already pulling a whiny guilt thing on you and you haven't even MET yet? BIG red flag to me! Holy crap! I do not like the sound of this.

(I'm predicting your response to this comment of mine will be something like: "Well I guess I'm not doing a very good job of explaining the vibe. It didn't come across whiny at all, but fill in the blank," e.g., making excuses for him and rationalizing.)

I think you're absolutely correct that your impulse to respond out of sympathy was a throwback to your cow/rescuing/fixing him mentality. Follow your instincts on this stuff! If it feels icky, it is icky.

The fact that he's a captain of industry doesn't mean he isn't insecure. I dated a guy who was a decorated full bird colonel and chairman of the board of the organization I worked for, and he was emotionally about 12 years old.

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
Quote:
Point in fact, he is Captain of Industry, and if he has so much disposable income as to fly YOU around, he has the money to fly himself around. Honestly, I think it more appropriate for him to fly and see you the first time...


He made the offer. I have D16 and house that is half empty/packed up for my move. More importantly, it is WARM where he lives -lol.

Quote:
So what he was, in essence, inviting you to do... is 'pursue' him.


Trust me. It's not going to happen. I mean I was pondering whether it was kind of lame that I NEVER called him but I'm actually quite disinclined to chase boys at the moment. OTOH, I don't care whether a guy would get bored because he got the milk for free either. If I feel like walking up to a farmer and saying "Milk me.", I will. I fully intend to get my brains f*cked out when I go visit FSG (did I mention the fact that he can bench-press at least 80 lbs. more than me and the picture of him wearing athletic pants which monkey-girl swears she did not magnify - hee hee hee)


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
Quote:
If you're just having fun and playing while working to square away other parts of your life, then no problem (and I can relate). It's just that when you asked for help in moving from a one-up/one-down situation to something more balanced, it seemed like you were wanting to make a relationship work. That would be a cry for help if I ever heard one.


Yeah, I can understand why it would seem that way given the quagmiric-like context you guys have seem me flopping about in. Really I was just asking the question out of interest rather than concern. Like if I knew Corri had just read a book on UFOs and I saw something in the night sky.

Quote:
I also find it very odd that an attractive captain-of-industry is nosing around the online dating scene. Not long ago I thought that women held all the power in the dating game. Now I believe it's better to be a man when it comes to real world dating, but online dating is solidly the province of women. To me, it's a waste of time, so I'm not sure why this guy is hanging out there. Seems like his dating plate should be full without the online component. If he's just playing around, then whatever, but he seems a bit clingy for that to be the case. It'll be interesting to see what happens.


Well, simple answer would be that he just took on a very demanding job and moved to a new area so he doesn't yet have a bar "where everybody knows his name" etc. etc. That's why I'm inclined to cut him a bit of slack on the "clingy" too. He's kind of "using" me as someone to talk to about where to put his new couch and I'm kind of "using" his Captain-of-Industry initiative to rouse my *ss in the Wealth quadrant. He asks me questions about my business and gives me sh*t when my answers are lame and I find that helpful. Like he cracked me up because I told him that my sister and I hadn't set up the snack area in our new office yet and he was like "Well, what do you have to do?" and I said "Well we have to plug in the mini-fridge and set up the coffee maker." and he said "Umm..do you think that is something you are going to have to out-source?"

Quote:
At any rate, my dude-enna advice for you is not to figure out how to make anything work with him. Just figure out what he is and then take it or leave it. This is your time for playing the field and having fun, not getting attached to some guy because he calls you every night.


I agree.


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
Quote:
I'm predicting your response to this comment of mine will be something like: "Well I guess I'm not doing a very good job of explaining the vibe. It didn't come across whiny at all, but fill in the blank," e.g., making excuses for him and rationalizing.)


Well, of course I would want to do that BECAUSE if I am dating a man he couldn't possibly be whiny (Besides, I said he was like a hippo. Can you imagine a whiny hippo?). I only date men of the most extreme sexiness. My children are also the cutest and smartest in the whole world and my dog does the best tricks.


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,823
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,823
Mo:

Quote:
He made the offer. I have D16 and house that is half empty/packed up for my move. More importantly, it is WARM where he lives -lol.


Did I miss a post? You're moving? K... I'm glad he at least made the offer.

Quote:
OTOH, I don't care whether a guy would get bored because he got the milk for free either. If I feel like walking up to a farmer and saying "Milk me.", I will.


For you, that is not the 'milk' I was talking about. Your milk involves, I think, your pies, and the inclination to even make them, in regards to a man.

Quote:
(did I mention the fact that he can bench-press at least 80 lbs. more than me and the picture of him wearing athletic pants which monkey-girl swears she did not magnify - hee hee hee)


\:\)

Well... just keep that post of mine I made to you up there a bit... you can shove it back in my face here, some time soon, I'm sure. \:\) I wrote that as much for myself as for my Sister-in-Dating.




Last edited by Corri; 01/15/08 02:03 AM.
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,041
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,041
(Mojo) Well, simple answer would be that he just took on a very demanding job and moved to a new area so he doesn't yet have a bar "where everybody knows his name" etc. etc.

I ain't buying that lame crap but time will tell.


Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 536
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 536
Originally Posted By: MJontheMend
(did I mention the fact that he can bench-press at least 80 lbs. more than me.....


Please tell me this is something you asked of him and not some information that he just came out and volunteered to you \:\/

Southern Girl, I'm reserving my opinion of this guy...I'm starting to lean more in your direction ;\)

FWIW...when you say "80lbs more than me"...do you mean your weight, or what you can bench press. For this to be impressive, you're either a very heavy woman or very strong

Either way Mojo...have fun, you deserve it \:\)


"If you can't lick em, lick em" - Ted Nugent
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
Quote:
Did I miss a post? You're moving? K... I'm glad he at least made the offer.


Yeah, it's not a real exciting move just out of my big deserted house into a smaller rental in the district until my D16 graduates.

Quote:
For you, that is not the 'milk' I was talking about. Your milk involves, I think, your pies, and the inclination to even make them, in regards to a man.


So my cow IS my cow NOT my monkey. Therefore, what you are saying is that I shouldn't be nice to boys just because I have sex with them. That kind of makes sense because boys think it's nice if you have sex with them and then if you're actually doing nice stuff like baking pies too, it's like you're TOO nice and nobody could possibly tolerate that. Way too much pressure. So instead of making pies for boys I have sex with I should get them to mow my lawn. I think I get it! Do you think it would be okay if I baked a guy a cake AND gave him a blow-job if it was his birthday? I could maybe try to keep things in balance by circling something really expensive I wanted for my birthday in a catalog.

I wonder if figuring out how to fake "not having an orgasm" would be helpful?


Last edited by MJontheMend; 01/15/08 11:56 AM.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,385
Quote:
I ain't buying that lame crap but time will tell.


Quote:
Southern Girl, I'm reserving my opinion of this guy...I'm starting to lean more in your direction ;\)


Bring it on brothers. This is just the kind of pessimism I need to ballast my irrational exuberance - lol.


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Page 3 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 11 12

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5