I apologize for asking again, but I didn't see if you said you went to your C or Dr. I know the C is expensive and if that's an issue, maybe your church could recommend a C that could work with you on payment. You sound SO much like my H when he was struggling with anxiety and depression. I "think" I understand what you mean by not understanding why your W didn't save you as you did her. This statement is a big reason I've suggested you seek medical help vs. self help right now. My H felt unable to save himself even though he had people suggesting action that he could take to help hmself. He was mentally unable to follow through and deal with getting better on his own. He was still working and functioning, but unable to see what he needed for himself. Every direction seemed dark and hopeless and he was looking for a shining light to follow... some security, someone to take over and just deal for him so he'd know it was gonna be all right. I had to make the call to the Dr. and drive him there (he agreed he needed to go, but asking for mental health help scared the crap out of him). I had to reassure him during the lag before his meds started easing his anxiety.. I had to call the Dr. when he lost it because the meds weren't helping, and I had to get him to therapy. He needed a caregiver for his medical condition. It wasn't until I realized this was a medical condition that I realized that he needed that kind of help from me. Is this what you're looking for from your W? If so, can you tell her that.. please? I agree that you have to work through your issues and face up to your demons.. change is your own to make. But... if what you need from her is support getting help then explain that to her point blank. I felt really bad when I found out how serious my H's anxiety disorder was at his low point. I'd talked to him, friends had talked to him.. I had asked his parents to help, but nothing we said or suggested was the answer. He was incapable of taking advice and changing anything until his anxiety was under control.
