Sometimes it's hard to separate what is a legitimate beef and what is just the nutso stuff! The cable thing was really her anxiety about having to take over all the bills after I was gone. Of course, all she needed to do was say "could you help me understand some of these bills I'm going to have to pay?" but that would be demeaning to do, it's much better to be snarky, rude and demanding Go figure!
I'll just never really get why women (yes, Disrespectful Judgement time! speak high-speed encrypted and men speak mostly low speed clear text. Boggles the mind at all the wasted processing cycles.
Oldtimer <-- jaw dropping that Wii still thinks CB still owes him something after playing the role of OM in her R (whether that was one or two sided OM-ness) and later cornering her for closure on that R...
Hey OT, long time! OK, first Whatis did not corner Coffee Buddy, she approached me out of nowhere and asked me personal questions about my situation, this was confusing and somewhat uncomfortable considering her recent behaviours, so my solution was to try and get some closure, dumb or not. Secondly, feelings are feelings and they come and go. I HAVE respected her space and have not once tried to initiate any time together, not even once! We spent time together appropriately at the Xmas concert and that was that. I do feel a deep attachment to her due to the connection we had, stupid or not, it is there. Does she owe me anything? Who the heck knows, I just know that it is hard for me to be dismissed so coldly. What more can I say except I will continue to leave her alone, scouts honour!
Give people a chance to be decent to you. CB has not treated you badly, she ended a short-term, inappropriate R that wasn't working for her.
The guys ran late -- give them a chance to apologize rather than running off in a bit of a P/A huff.
A lot (if not all) of the world rejecting you that you seem to be feeling is really all about W and her rejection of you. W has rejected you. Fine. The world has not, lol. Give it a chance.
Well, I'm the best damn inappropriate R she'll ever find You are right, OT, continuing what we were doing could only lead to problems for her and for me. I also realize that it's not easy to sit down and say "hey, you know this thing we're doing, whatever it may be, it's just not working for me for whatever reason..." How do you discuss a R that has never been discussed or given any kind of identity? Beats me. She didn't know what to do so she did what she did. Now, when she sees me on occassion she's personable and seems to have no issues with me, that's positive. I just find handling rejection issues right now really dificult, I do try to recognize that what's going on in my head is largely just in my head. Btw, I did email one of the guys and he got back to me to explain what happened and we came up with a plan to prevent us missing each other again!
Are you laughing with me or at me on this one. OT? OK, OT says that Coffee Buddy has not treated me badly but I am not so convinced, therefore I am throwing it open to others to honestly tell me what they think. I ask this because I am in no position to judge objectively but I also know I'm someone who gives way too many chances and tends to look too much at the other persons perspective. As I've said, for years I kept going by saying that W was under stress blah blah blah and it gets to a point where you don't recognize unacceptable anymore it just becomes the way it is! So, here's my thoughts on the CB's great escape! I have absolutely no problem with her choosing not to spend time with me at coffe shops, in the park and whatever else we would do with our time. I certainly can understand that our intimacy could become an issue for her in re to her R elsewhere. I also don't have a great difficulty in her not talking to me about it, I understand how vulnerable that would make her. I do have an issue with her just cutting off virtually any contact with me because it is hurtful and inappropriate to the situation. If I was hitting on her, making suggestive remarks etc then I could see such an extreme response but I wasn't and never would! If we didn't spend the hour together we would normally meet back at the studio 10 minutes early and chat but now she pulls her car up to the door, her D gets in and she drives off week after week, without a wave or any sign of recognition. I'd say that's a pretty extreme and insensitive response to someone who is dealing with the biggest hurt of his life already. A friend of mine says "she acts like you f@cked her or something!" I just can't see what is wrong with a little chit chat which in itself says "I value your feelings" Am I wrong here? Initially, to be fair, she did come right at the time class ended and waited for me to chat for a couple of minutes, and in all honesty, I was a bit taken aback by this sudden change of our interactions but then adjusted to recognizing it as sensitivity but just like that it changed to "snatch and run" each week. Finally one week she did approach me and started asking questions about how I was adjusting to the separation etc and I was somewhat uncomfortable considering for that past month I didn't exist, so that is when I tried to clarify what the issue was between us and she fed me a line. So does she owe me anything? Well, maybe just the respect that I would and still do give her. Is this hurt feeling just the overreaction of an extremely sensitive man these days? I dunno, any thoughts? Oh, and yes OT, I think you're probably right when you suggest my hurt may also be more to do with my w's rejection of me than any of these other percieved hurts. It's hard to feel mournful for someone who has crapped on ya for the past few years, it's easier to mourn for someone who has been caring and empathetic as Coffee Buddy was, so transference is a high probability!
CB is merely a symptom of your thingy... a huge strong one. btw..
You had gone forever without the attention and the feeling.. THE FEELING ! You are in my shoes.. boots.. whatever it is. Many here are there. YOU just dont want to do something silly about it btw.. same thing with the attention laundry ladies.. whatever it is..
Divorced, seperated... wherever you are in life.. that attention will get YOU !.. Just like when you were married and your w yanked the choker.. chain.. Get passed all of it.. and you are home free.
Just ME ? No expectations, remember ? I am half tempted to tell you to put yourself out there.. but not yet for you, eh ? I think you would cling.. stick.. and expect ! So.. nope not yet.
Thanks Tom, this FEELING stuff is a real pain in the arse (and damn confusing!). You are right, for the first time in years a woman made me feel something really nice, I felt connected in a way I haven't for years and then she just yanked it away and, yes, I do understand why! Now, just to be clear, I would NEVER EVER ask CB out as long as she is in another R and again you are right in that I currently could not handle any R that consisted of anything more than coffee once a week! I remember when CB and I had coffee twice in the same week and I felt a little overwhelmed by it (how sad is that!) I also can't expect her to know that I'm pretty darn harmless right now. She had to do what was best for herself and her R, I understand that, I just have an issue with the way it was done, almost like she was in complete panic over something I had done but I never did anything to panic over!!!! Go figure! Oh, as far as other women, today I had to drop by the doctors office and the nurse said "Whatis, have you lost weight again" and I said "not to my knowledge" and she replied "Well, you look really good today" I had dressed up a bit today, just for myself. The last time I was in she was telling me that the shirt I was wearing was just the perfect colour for me...hmmm.
Go figure!
speak high-speed encrypted and men speak mostly low speed clear text. Boggles the mind at all the wasted processing cycles.
