Would it be unwise to phone OW or go see her and tell her my H is important to me and has told me about their R and to tell her i want my M to work and for her step back
Do not do this. You will most likely regret it. She won't care, and it won't help you feel any better.
Find a new counselor. That's crazy talk about the OW. The only rational thing in there is that this A isn't *all* about the other woman. I can see now (many months out) that H's A was a result of what was wrong with him (and us) at the time.
