I knew I was "mothering" when I was asking, but I was so pissed off at the idea that he was at a club with a 27 year old boy. Ug, it still makes me fume.
I'm a bit worried that I'm losing my stand here. I'm beginning to not see any good to having my marriage restored and just want to be alone.
You know, the other night I was at the store and I got "the look" from a man passing me by. I haven't had that look from my H in so long. I thought to myself "I am not a troll, someone would want me." All the rejection has taken a huge toll on my psyche. I have weight issues. Heck, my whole family does. I know its a big deal to H now. I almost don't want to address it because I want to be loved no matter what. I've got to get myself together, no matter what, I know.
I'm in a bad place. I don't know if H said he wanted to work on things right now if I wouldn't reject him. I was listening to a sermon today and it was saying when you asked for something you had to believe it already had happened. I can't "see" my M restored when I ask. I dont know what it would look like anymore. Ahhh, my head is a hornet's nest right now.
Thanks for the input. I hope you know by now it means so much.
Hugs, Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
