Mopsey, This may not make any sense to you, but the reason he's not home is he's afraid to return just yet. He's afraid that things will go back to the way they were before he left. He's afraid that he can't be the man you are expecting him to be and yes, he still feels like he's suffocating when he's there. He's still not ready to come home and it's nothing you can do about it. It's not even about the mow or pride, it's about what he thinks will happen if he does come home. He doesn't want to be a failure any more than he already is in your eyes and the eyes of your children.
Until this man has resolved his issues and can actually live w/himself and look deeply within and accept that he was not at fault for whatever stunted his emotional growth, he will continue to run and search for whatever it is he thinks is out there. Again, it's nothing you've said or did. This is about him.
You've done an excellent job of making your home a safe port in his storm, but he's still in the eye of the storm and until that storm settles down internally, he's going to be confused/lost for a while. Hopefully the therapist can help him find his way. BTW, it sounds like the stress level has made his sugar spike up. All of them end up w/health problems due to stress and trying to burn the candle at both ends like a teenager. Age and health will catch up w/them in time.
Grab a chair, plant yourself in it and sit patiently. He's still got a ways to go. He's not baked yet and your oven is still set at 350. He'll bake up when he's ready and when the man up above nods his agreement.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
