Actually, to me it sounds like you are more the One Down, rather than the One Up... because of the sympathy/empathy factor. Your sense of self worth is being trumped by emotional manipulation.
I'd say in your first M, you may have been the Sweet One Down.
Keep in mind that One Ups are typically emotionally distant or unavailable, and there is usually a very firm sense of 'in controllness' to them...
No offense, but you don't really hit me like this, regardless of how much your self-esteem issues have improved.
Maybe I should spell out the sich. FSG was calling me every night and I was cool with that because I enjoyed our conversations and the attention but I was in no way committed to an exclusive relationship with him and I made that pretty clear. The other night he said something to me like "I know you are less optimistic about this relationship than me because you never call me." So to me that seemed like he was feeling insecure and one-down and asking for reassurance. I thoroughly agree that my reaction which was to feel empathy/sympathy and want to reassure him is a sign of me falling back into my natural tendency towards a sweet one-down groove and that is why I asked you about it.
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You sound more like "The Echo." I can email you the description if you want... but in order to bring yourself back into balance, a situation like you described would actually require of you to actually challenge the man's willingness to be close to you in a reasuring manner... outright risking the rejection you so fear. If his response and subsequent behavior failed to reassure you, you would actually confront the situation, telling yourself that you can 'survive on your own.' You would pull back rather than relive another demoralizing One Down experience. THAT is counter-intuitive for you.
I think I'm confused but isn't this more like what he actually did by mentioning that it bothered him that I never called rather than what I should do in response?
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This is duty sex, Mo. That is the EXACT thing that propels an LD to have sex... and what eventually, completely and utterly destroys their sex drive.
I can see how this would be true. That is why I was thinking it would be counter-productive even though we're talking phone calls rather than sex. Since I have actually learned a thing or two from being on this BB I didn't give him a "duty" phone call "just to be nice" but instead sent him a goofy e-mail on the topic of the Nancy Drew mystery we are solving together because the thing I like best about him is that he has a fun, active monkey imagination like me.
Perhaps I'm not doing a very good job of expressing this with all my silly cries for assistance but I'm really feeling very little need for sexual/relationship validation these days. I'm dating because it's fun and I want to get laid and I'm open to ther possibility of more. However, BB is right to slap my little monkey paw because I really should be spending more time on the Wealth quadrant of my life. Actually, I probably waste more time hanging out around the water cooler here than I do dating. It just makes me sad to think about how bored you guys would be if I didn't post (sniff).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
