Thanks IWB - I did stay away from the phone - I know deep down I am the lucky one - its just so hard to know he has a new life which he started while he was with me. He has someone to talk to, rub his shoulders and tell him all will be alright. He has freedom and a relationship. But I do know most of the time I am the lucky one to see my D every day and I would not change it for the world. To answer your question no he does not have to interact with me at all. All we do is email about visitation. When he picks up my D he waits in the car and I send her out. He just had other plans. Does he wish to avoid me - yes. Before I found DBing I was so angry and a begging pathetic mess - called him maybe 10 times a day either to let him have it or cry I did this from August - early Nov.. So he cut me off which made me only call him more thinking I could say something to get him change his mind. ANd that is the relationship he wants to have right now even though I have not called him since he walked out on me again in OCtober (said he wanted to repair M for a few days then got mad because I asked too many angry questions about affair so he left - I called him about 10 times and them stopped since early Nov). Then I discovered Michelles books. But it was too late. He avoids talking to me at all now - we have no relationship at all right now. And I am beginnig to realize that we probably never will again. Its been too long without contact - months. He has had plenty of time to think and does not look like he is changing his mind. I was reading there are all different kinds of affairs and one is called the "exit affair" - they have the affair as a way out of the marriage. It seems that might be my H since he said he way "unhappy for years" - the ow just gave him the courage. But I guess I have some small hope because he came back once and people have told me if he came back once - watch hell do it again. But I dont know - he could have come back out of guilt for my D but he did say he still loved me - who knows. Im just so tired - you know. I just want everything to go back the way it was but only better or to really let go and have the pain go away. Anyway, I started my new job after 7 yrs as a SAHM. It was good to get out of the house but I felt so old in my training class - it seemed like me at 40 was the oldest one there - everyone was fresh out of college or 30 at the most. So I was not able to make any new friends but it has only been the first day. D enjoyed aftercare - she said it was like a big playgroup so that makes me feel good. Anyway will take it one day at a time.
