Sun, The connection between your h and the 27 yr old is that: 1) the buddy is divorced already; and 2) your h wants to be that age again. He's reliving his youth and yes, most of them will hang out w/much younger guys to feel that youthful feeling again. As for the cig smoke, I suspect it was a bar and he wanted to kick back and relive that time of youth.
BTW, I know you realize that you were pushing his buttons, but go back and re-read your posting. You may have sounded more like his mother than his wife in asking questions. He got defensive just like a teenager would when mom questions them. I know you don't care, but you've got to live in the same space w/this man, so you need to start changing the way you are questioning him. You may want to say "h, did you have a good weekend? I hope you got out and about for some fun", then let it go. He just might open up a bit and tell you what he did. Right now, he's clamming up because he knows you are curious about what he's doing.
Turn the tables, Sun! Time to do some 180s on this guy.
As for the calendars, leave them on the counter so that he can see them when he's good and ready. Trust me, he will venture forth and look at them when he thinks you aren't looking or are around.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
