Sounds like things are a little confusing right now in your sich. How have you been today? I think taking some time to step back and think about where you want to go sounds like a good plan at the moment, both from what you said in your post above, and from the previous discussions we've had about babies and all that.
Like Jeff, I agree that you shouldn't punish yourself for being aware of H's problems when you married him and not knowing how far it would go. None of us can predict the future, and you can only make the decisions you make when you make them (does that make sense? it's late here!). You made the right choice for you then, and you will make the right choices now too because you are BRILLIANT!!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
