Living together as semi-polite strangers

[mishka422]

Well all, I guess I'm going to hop to another thread since I have realized I can't handle my H's poison in my life or in my son's life. I truly wish it was different but there is not a chance that I'm taking him back after all the additional lies and secrecy that I have uncovered. Suffice it to say that those have been a problem since early in our marriage and all of it has come to the surface now. Really bad!! I'm going to have to move on because there is no recovery for me with him and he has no intention of self-improvement (and never has). I just think the MLC made all the other stuff come to the surface.

On Saturday I talked through the relief I was feeling with my C and I was thinking maybe it was temporary and I would start to feel desperate again without him. Nope. I'm not even that angry now, just sad that the life I have always known is no more but excited at the prospect of something new and better for me and my son. I realized in talking Saturday that he has emotionally abused me for so long and I didn't even realize it. He truly doesn't either. It's all part of his self-preservation instincts from childhood. He had to be sneaky in order to live in his household without beatings. His pattern is predictable and it has been going on his whole life so no turning it around now without LOTS of therapy that he won't get. He doesn't see that he has a problem (except for brief glimpses during his breakdown last week). He belittles, never praises, never encourages, when I or our son do something really well he doesn't congragulate or compliment he tells you that you should do it even better next time. SICKNESS!

I looked at him like a wounded puppy when we first met and I took him to nurture. Instead, his sickness dragged me down with him. He doesn't like himself and he turned me into another version of him so why would he like me anymore? Do you see where I'm going with this?

I'm going to switch over to surviving the big D threads. Went to the lawyer this morning. It should be a simple case as there is no property involved and H doesn't really want physical custody of S13, just visitation. That might be a bit of a battle since he is living with OW and I won't have my son put in that situation. We'll see.

Come on over and visit. My thread is titled "he filed, I responded, now what?"

Hope to see you all soon. You are all amazing people! keep fighting the good fight and standing.

Michelle