Just bought a 1 way non-refundable ticket to Dtown

[SirPrizeMe]

People more than anything need redemption, rebuilding, rehabilitation. No person is "untarnished", everyone has flaws. No relationship is "perfect" and untarnished either. if you think you have an untarnished relationship, it hasn't been tested yet.

H4C, it sounds like your wife is starting to realize the value of family, of commitments she's already made.

This is a test for you. Are you up to the test? Now is not the time to go weak-kneed. Now is the time to stand for marriage.

That does not mean, "take her back at any cost" and it does not mean "allow that person to come back, no questions asked." Surely there are conditions you must place here. there are discussions you need to have. At the same time there are no guarantees. Vows can be broken, even renewed vows.

You have to figure out what you need to believe that she is a changed person, that she will honor and protect your feelings and trust. What sign from her, or from your R, would bring you to that point?

What things did she do, or not do, before, that you can look back on, and identify as a red flag? Did she shy away at intimate moments? Hide her cellphone bills? Snap at you for no reason? and so on. Was she unwilling to go to MC with you? etc. what changes would you have to see, in order to believe?

I really like the DR book on this topic - it advises us to set out really small concrete goals, and watch progress step-by-step. Maybe re-read the relevant sections.

You have to be willing to gamble with your feelings again. and it's a long road back as you can see from stories in the "piecing" forum. Trust does not grow back instantaneously. But it just might be worth it.