Ongoing affair, D papers filed, advice wanted

[SirPrizeMe]

Runningoutoftime - thank you for the hug. Sometimes I Really Really need that. I hug my kids, and they hug me back, but no one else. This is sooo hard.

So, how much do you get to see the children? How often do they stay with you? Do try to get as much custody as you can. Make sure you get to watch them as often as possible. In fact, offer to take them whenever possible. Mention to your W that you realize how hard it is to be a single mom (use empathy and make it sound like you are doing her a favor!), and you'd be happy to take the kids so she can go out and do something special for herself (even if it is with OM. That's okay... hopefully they'll get sick of each other..). This will help you in court. It will show you are a great dad and help insure you get a good amount of custody. Also, make sure you document all this as well.

I see the kids, a couple times a week. I see them for fun-n-games, dinner out, stuff like that. I took my boys skiing on Sunday. it was a blast!

There are a couple problems with the current arrangement. First, it's not enough time together. Second, it's not balanced. All fun and games is fun, but fathers are more than just fun. They are sometimes serious, sometimes spiritual, and sometimes hard workers, sometimes playful. I treasure the time I have with them, but it's just not complete. Third, it's hard to find something for all of them; I need individual time with each of them. Skiing over the weekend is a great example - the girls didn't want to go. Actually they would have gone if I could have given them attention on the slopes, but I cannot split myself. I cannot attend to the boys on the higher mountain and the girls in ski school.

Practically, it's hard for me to fix all those problems. I don't have a place to bring them to, to spend quality quiet time. You know, homework, hanging out, just talking, just being there. I have no home. I live in a room of a friend's house, but this friend has his own family. My kids live in the family home, which I am still paying for, but I am barred from visiting. We have no more income for another house. In fact I am digging into the family savings to pay for the mortgage on the home today. (college? ah, sorry kids, you'll have to cover that yourself!) I don't feel right about adding another home payment onto the stack.

Running, you have some interesting advice. Making it easier for the divorce. "This will all be over in 6 months." Did you find your approach to be helpful? Where are you now?