Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I decided to take a few days away from the BBs to clear my head and get some perspective. Now I'm here to postulate and vent a bit, maybe work out some stuff on "e-paper" that's been rolling around in my mind.

In that time I decided to talk to H about what D6 had told me, as well as some of my frustrations of the past month. H & I were talking on the phone & he was telling me how frustrated he was feeling not finding a job, that he felt he was failing himself and me and D6. I don't know if it was the wrong moment to talk to him, but I did it anyway. He did not get defensive, but explained to me who that person was (H claims it was not OW but a friend of that couple). H also said he was glad I talked to him about it. H also told me he was uncomfortable seeing my parents who are visiting from out of town. At the time I felt it was a good talk.

BUT, I'm still not sure how I feel about that event. I suppose the majority of my problem stems from our S. Whenever he tells me he has plans to do something w/ his friends or will be away from me, part of me feels anxious that he could be seeing or talking to OW. It's such a catch 22 - I do feel that I am not ready for him to move back b/c I don't trust him, but him not living w/ me makes me feel anxious and suspicious. H also feels that it is too soon, since he does not want to live under "house arrest". How do we break this cycle?

The issue of transparency is so difficult w/ us being S - he tells me what he is doing & who he is spending time w/, but I really have no way of knowing if this is true. But I shouldn't be checking up on him. And I'm likely to take things like what D6 told me and conclude the worst.

I feel that I am going to continue to ride this roller coaster until:
(a) H moves back, or
(b) H is able to "prove" the A is over, or
(c) I stop caring.

But (a) is too soon for the reasons I've explained above. I've already asked for (b) and don't want to keep asking H b/c he already knows I want it. Plus, I suspect that H doesn't want to do a letter b/c if he is done w/ OW, he doesn't want to open that can of worms up again. Finally (c) is not a great alternative b/c I'm not done and I'm not likely to be done for some time.

I have been GALing, trying to concentrate on D6 & new dog & visiting w/ my parents. I even just got a new job which I start in 2 weeks, one that will give me more of a challenge and keep me busier than the one I have now. But I feel as though these are merely distractions. Is that it? Is that what GALing is really all about - distracting me - because that's pretty much what I feel most of the time.

So I guess I'm still here, at the "do my thing until I figure out what is the next step" stage. When I started doing this and I was reading about some of you who have been at this for years, I thought you were crazy. Who can do this for years and stay sane? How could a cheating S possibly be worth doing this for years? Now, I suppose it's only 50% of the time that I want to tell my H,

"Look at me! I'm great, we have a great D, a great house, a great dog! In short, this is a great life! Why can't you just get on board here? And if this isn't good enough for you, maybe you should just take a hike and go back to sneaking around with your tramp to your heart's content. Who needs you? Not me."

Obviously that isn't going to do much good if there is positive movement. Which is why the other 50% of the time I want to do what I can to make this work.

I know it would be very helpful to read other threads of people who have made it through this stage, post A, how they got back together after being S for some time, what worked for them as a couple and what worked for the LBS, since I know that the only thing I can work on is me. If any of you can point me to threads like that, I would be grateful, as I am for all of your thoughts, well wishes and advice.

FA