Willing to be disturbed...

[ediemarie]

Hi ladies - thanks for swinging by!

Believing -

This was a problem in our M before he had an A. Yes, the irony kills me. HE had an A. Should've been me, considering who was sex-starved in our M. He was affirmation and respect-starved, hence the A.

I could have written these words myself. This is exactly what occurred in my marriage. He was affirmation/respect starved, I was sex starved. I guess maybe there-in lies the answer. Affirm, affirm, affirm, respect, respect, respect. That may be the key to the solution. I'll have to give that some thought! Thank you for posting this.

My H doesn't want to ML unless and until our emotional R is strong (or at least better)

I know this all to well. And while it frustrates me I can understand it, I appreciate it. It is a good quality to have. It is the same thing that my H says. I just hope that our bond isn't strong enough because he's dealing with all of his crap and NOT because he is still fighting feelings for OW - although being honest with myself I'd have to say that this is certainly part of it, as ugly as that is. I can appreciate him not wanting to take advantage of me. Not wanting to give me something that he can't be 100% a part of, but what is a frustrated wife to do? Isn't THIS very thing one of the reasons why people have affairs?

FA -

I let my H back into my life and bed too quickly after too many bombs, and now am left with that feeling that maybe even now I'm giving away too much

This is a fear of mine. Isn't it amazing the connection, the bond, that a physical moment can produce? I don't know how it's possible for it to produce such a bond in one person and not a bond in another. I am fearful that I haven't "delivered enough consequences" for his actions and I'm equally fearful that he's not working hard enough to "win" me back. What's there to win? I never left. I question these things from time to time. I certainly let him go, but I never walked out. He always knew where I stood. I was always the one wondering where he stood, and guess what? Nothing's changed. But I suppose that it is quite possible that he doesn't where he stands. Maybe that's why I don't know either. He is still figuring it all out.

Patience. Patience. Patience.

Ladies, thank you so much for swinging by. You both have given me lots to think about. Perhaps my plan will be respect and words of affirmation - you can never go wrong with that combination!