Starting to get it.... my 3rd thread

[ann25]

ok... so, H was out of town Fri and Sat. I still made my normal calls to him. I made every possible effort to reassure him while he was out.

He doesn't surf, but the friends he went with do, so he spent alot of time sitting on the beach, thinking, taking pictures and playing the game i got him... perfect timing on that. He was gone for a Men's church getaway. A chance for the guys to all get together and share and learn together without all us crazy women around.

My friend asked me how long i was going to let this go on. I told her that as long as he is still willing to try, i'm going to fight my hardest. She thinks i'm crazy, but basically supports me, which is nice. She said i seemed happier lately than before, so something must be going. ok.

H got home on sat night. said that he really missed me. I told him i did too.

H was seriously like a different man. he told me that there was nothing that really stood out in the lessons and nothing that he hadn't already heard before at some point, but something about it did something to my H and had i known, i would have sent him away a loooong time ago.

I had washed the sheets and blankets on our bed sat afternoon, but hadn't made the bed yet when he got there, then we were talking (yes, actually having a conversation). I was sooo tired. I told H that I still had to go make the bed. He just told me to relax. Then he got some blankets and turned our living room into a bed... it was really sweet. We used to do that everyonce in a while. get out a bunch of blankets, watch a movie and just fall asleep there on the floor.

Yesterday, H slept late, but i knew he was tired from the trip, he'd spent lots of hours walking on the sand and in the sun and stuff. The girls were on their worst behavior all day, they have their days like that, thank god not often... H asked me to make him some lunch. He was a little rude about it, not too bad, but it was almost like an order more than a request. I say, yeah, sure. He said, you know what, I can make it. I'm sorry, i didn't need to ask you. i said that i didn't mind. Afterwards he actually thanked me.

Later, he was making a fuss about getting the house done and then he went into his office to check on work (ended up in there for about an hour.) We went to bed. H saw that i was crying and asked why. I told him my back hurt really bad. He rubbed it for me. it was nice.
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i have a habit of apologizing for everything. Whether it's my fault or not, i'm sorry. I think i always have ever since i was young. H has never noticed before. Yesterday he must have told me 3 or 4 times that i don't have to apologize. I think he realized that he makes me feel bad about things that are out of my control. He almost looked shocked that i said it sometimes. I can't really explain it, but the look on his face was like he just heard me for the first time and was surprised.

This morning I sent him an email, asking how he was, how he slept and how his day looked. I normally do this or some variation of it. He's still sleeping or has just gotten up when i leave, so there isn't really a chance to talk. Anyways... I got this in the response : I just wanted to say that ever since our problems you have put up with a lot and I really do appreciate everything you have done. I know I don't say it a lot of the time, but it is nothing personal, I just don't think about it. I really do see the effort you are putting out and that means a lot. I will try to do my part as I don't feel I have been doing as well....sorry. I will try and to be better. Thanks again and I love you. You really are the perfect wife.

so now i'm crying, cause that's probably the nicest thing(hardest thing for him) he's said to me in the last couple years.
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Word of advice to anyone that has actually read this far and has a S that's said the ILYBNILWY... give them a chance to miss you. I couldn't be more serious. I've spent every moment either working, driving or with H in the last 4-5 months. He left for 2 days and I actually missed him. I haven't felt that in a very long time. I'm not in love with him, but it makes me think it'll happen when i start feeling things i haven't felt in a long time.

Let them realize what they could be losing. I think that's really important.