Sounds like we have a lot in common. Actually, I was in shock Saturday bc for once I wasn't sure I wanted H to recommit, at least not the Alien who took over his body. I thought, if I came home tonight (I was in Iowa Fri/Sat) and he had his ring on and wanted me back in his bed and his life, I couldn't just say, "OK". Even though it is what I have been praying for. Too much has happened (negative) and so much still needs to happen (positive). So as I am on the fence, he texts me twice and calls me, and I don't answer. Usually it is the other way around. Finally he left me a msg "Call me!" So 20 minutes later (don't want to be eager" I call. He is almost home from his hay-hauling trip and expects we will already be home. Me and kids were going to be back at home @ 4 cause hubby said he'd be back then. I knew he wouldn't, he is always gone longer than he thinks with farm work. So at 6 I talk to him and he is 90 minutes from home, and I haven't left my parents in Iowa--hee hee. He is shocked that I am not waiting for him (I can tell by his voice). He calls/texts me on my way home, and is waiting for me once I get there. We had good night Sat, spent Sunday as a family at church (Where he held my hand for 5 min.!?!), went out to lunch, H and S went out to do yard work together in afternoon, pretty nice. H even confided in me that he is dreading moving out, which is why he hasn't done the preparations he needs to do. I ask after kids in bed, if you are dreading moving out, don't want to go, why are you going? Not to plead with him, just to try to help him sort out his emotions--he is soooo bad at sharing and communicating which is a big reason we have problems. He keeps it inside so I don't know he is unhappy, then does dumb stuff like having an affair to express his unhappiness?? Anyway, he says he is leaving the house so he can have some peace and time and space to work on himself. I gave him a"Detach With Love" type letter 4 or 5 days ago explaining that I knew the A was his choice, but that I also was realizing the role I played in our problems, listed the goals I had for working on myself, and said I was letting him go to work on whatever he needed to work on and hoped he would find the peace he needed. So when he said he needed the time to work on himself, I asked if he had a plan for that, he said still going to MC and will start his own C, too. Asked him about us being physical again, said I didn't think I could go without that for 6 mos (his lease time, and yes I know I shouldn't have brought up the physical thing!!). He said it wouldn't be 6 months. Don't know if he meant the separation or the physical thing. He just said being physical for him allowed him to avoid our problems. I said I looked at it as one part of our relationship that has always worked well that we could keep doing while we worked on our R, since it would help us stay connected on some level. But then I said if he wasn't ready that was fine, I hoped he would find the peace he needed while he was gone. A while later he got up to go to bed, came over to my couch, and hugged me tight, rubbed my back, and kissed my head. Would have rather he kissed ME, but it was a big step either way. At least he finally initiated touching me--it was two weeks ago last time we were intimate, and nothing since then. Today I go with him after work to look at his Apartment, I want to see it before the kids do. We got a sitter, don't know if we will go to dinner or anything after. How should I act about the apartment? Don't want to seem to excited bc I hate him moving out, but don't want to undo the progress my 180 was making either. Any suggestions??
