Had an up and down weekend, we went for dinner on friday and had some very open and honest talk. I talked about how it hurts to see the OM and how it reminds me of whatever happened and then all my imaginary images and thoughts start racing through my head.
I also talked about one website that urges people to make the affairs public so that we as a society can learn and understand how much they hurt and affect people and children. We only see the Hollywood drama and excitement surrounding the affairs. I don't think she really understood that. We have chosen not to tell anyone.
My W was ill that night, I thought maybe it was all the thinking she did about what she did, or maybe it was the food. We just took it easy on saturday.
Sunday my W snapped at me, I thought it was nothing but she just said how selfish I was and all this, It really hurt so I just avoided her and tried to do things on my own. It is what other people here have said that it seems when things are ok and getting better even loving, the cheater has to bring back the negatives that they filled their mind with when they did what they did.
It just lingers and it is tough.
The last thing was that the OM sent me an email suggesting that we should perhaps try to get together since things have been awkward and tense at the club the past few months. I replied that I am around so anytime works. Have not heard back from him and I told my W that I was going alone for a man to man session so speak if we do it. Thing is, we will be there for the rest of the season and probably for years to come, don't know what it will do if anything and I have no idea how to make matters less tense so to speak. Perhaps that is why I have not heard anything from him.
Trying to detach and just be, and have to realise that it will take a very long time,
Wishing you a splendid week, and whoever said that don't believe 100% of what they say and 50% of what they do, or is it the other way around, I am trying to get that through my thick skull as well.
