I think you all give me more credit for being "strong" than I deserve..
OC - as for exposing D4 to ow - that's the straw that broke the camels back.. I am not interested in reconciling with someone that has such different views on what is best for our child. Having no morals for yourself is one thing; exposing small children to that is another.
Funny thing that happened last week - I got carded for buying alcohol! hahaha!!! I am twice the drinking age!!!
And let me say that I think you need to be quite careful. You seem to be considering this with the best of intentions; however, we all know how our best intentions can go awry. Certainly socializing one-on-one with someone of the opposite gender, while you are still married, is asking for trouble -- on more grounds than just spiritual or moral. If you have a lawyer and you truly are facing a D, then that lawyer would strongly advise you against any "dating", especially with any children in the picture.
But it's on the spiritual side that has the most thorns. It's one thing to socialize in mixed groups, or one-on-one with someone of the same gender, but anything else introduces a slippery slope. You start out saying you are only in this for Z and that you're only going to go this far, and before you know it you're way beyond. This is undoubtedly what ensnared our spouses in the first place.
There is a chapter in the DivorceCare program that warns of dating and sexuality too soon after the big D -- and so getting involved before the D would be even more dangerous. It takes time to properly heal from a D, and involving someone intimately into your life before that is complete is unwise and harmful to both parties.
NoCodes - you make some very good points. Legally, it's not an issue but yes... morally and spiritually.. that's where I get hung up. Sometimes it sure seems like more fun to NOT have any integrity!
Had a weird dream last night that I was stopped on a draw bridge waiting for it to go back down. I had a bad feeling so I didn't drive through right away and, the next car that went over fell into the lake because the bridge was collapsing. Hmm...wonder what that means?
I asked H if he thought it was ok to date. His answer was the pastors would probably say no but his family would certainly think it was ok. I think he just meant it was ok for HIM to openly "date" ow.
LO, that is a very interesting dream. It just seems rife with symbolism, doesn't it?
I've had a few of those dreams myself -- some quite disturbing. Wish I had paid more heed to the ones prior to the bomb.
Also, and I won't belabor this any more than saying this -- in DivorceCare, I've heard the testimony of others who've been down this road of dating. One woman in our group bore a lot of regret for the post-separation relationships she got involved in both before and right after her D was settled. She is now mortified at the impact this had on her teenage D.
I myself don't like hearing the statistics, but I have to face the facts. It takes an average of 1 year for every year of marriage to fully recover from its breakup. Just like any other serious injury -- whether physical, spiritual or emotional -- if you rush the recovery time before you've truly had a chance to heal, then you risk further compounding the injury.
The key is to find peace and comfort in your own solitude and to find your own wholeness before you entertain the melding of heart and soul with another. We are each responsible for bringing a whole person into such a union. Paradoxically, two cannot truly become one if one or both are not whole individually to begin with.
Yes, NoCode.. You make total sense. I have never been one to rush out of one R and into another. Before I met my H, I didn't date for 2 years after my last bf dumped me!! If I have to be alone, so be it. I don't necessarily fear that. I actually suck at meeting people and dating anyway.
Interesting to get others opinions on this topic, though...
