Real growing and healing

[saffie]

Frank,

I agree with Sara on all this spiritual stuff your W talks about/ believes in. It just seems to validate her need for any easy cop out. Believe me, I understand wanting an easy cop out - I tried to end my life when I found out about my H's A but then I had a revelation and realised just how much harm that would cause. Also my weding vows preceeded any of the crap that occurred later on and those are what I hung on to.

Your W does not come across well the way you talk about her. I take it with a pinch of salt because you are angry and hurting but she really sounds as though she has no backbone. She sounds like she uses all this spiritual stuff as an excuse to move on and doesn't say what it's really about, like you aren't supporting the family in a financially secure way etc.

From what you post you appear to not be healthily focused. You look at the small detail rather than the bigger picture. I mean, what does it matter about the pictures on the wall? Get some money in man, do some stuff to make you see your own self worth. Don't focus on your W. If you really believe you are past saving your M then stop banging on about your W and tell us about what you are going to do to heal YOU and help your children.

Instead of paying for flights for your W to go and visit people who you suspect are supporting her in her decision to move on, go pay for some cognitive therapy, (and I know you probably think you know more than the therapists and are more intelligent than a lot of them, but they might just give you enough encouragement to get you out of this whole you have dug your self). You may have stopped drinking but you sound like someone who has a drink problem still. I know all about that - my dad was the worst drunk; full of self pity. You have got to stop that and as many have said - MAN UP.

Open your eyes, you have so much going for you. Stop reacting to your W's every nuance and little comment - it's driving you down and stopping your progress. Also, stop dwelling on the past. You have realised your mistakes; now learn and move on. Stop harping on about what has been and look to the future.