Maybe there is something SHE is seeing that I'm not seeing? I do not believe that for one thin second. In fact, that you might actually believe that is almost funny if it weren't such a frightening testimony to your current state of mind.
Even I fall down sometimes. So you are convinced she is not seeing anything clearly then.
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I'm not beating you up Don't care if you were. I can take it. , I'm just looking for answers They're not going to be found on this board unless you open your eyes and get off the pity pot, positioning yourself as a man of war instead of a loser whose always a day late and a dollar short.
Ok, ok. I said I've been knocked way down for months now but not asked for help, except from my wife who cannot help. Yes, I'm 'smart enough' to know what is going on but right now I'm in emotion, not logic.
And most importantly, I've been living in the fear that if I didn't do 'the right things' she'd leave, and she did.
So help me. I know I can help ANYONE else but I'm stuck right now helping myself.
I'm already having a hard time being weak when I know a lot of people have relied on me being strong for them. I don't ask for help much in my life.
I spent a couple hours on the phone with 'blyndfaith' who has been great helping me get a perspective. I'm mad, and hurt because I know I gave 'my all' 2 years ago to save her from that a-hole predator and her own destructive self. I KNOW I was clear to her about a year ago that I was slipping into anxiety and as little as 2-3 months ago I almost begged her to help me get out of the cycle I was in and she didn't do anything but 'talk' about 'idea's' that might work.
She never called a friend and said 'please come over, frank's a wreck and needs help' or even my best friend who lives on the east coast and TOLD her after we reconciled that she should call him if we ever needed help. she called him ONCE, we chatted, I told hi I was down, I felt better. She never did anything else of substance.
But that doesn't matter now.
I need to get out of my emotional mind and into my logical mind. I need to make a list of what needs to be done to get my financial and emotional self in order. I need to get some 'wins' under my belt so my self esteem can be rebuilt. Most importantly, I need to regain my INTEGRITY and VALUES
What else?
How do I 'live' with her right now? I don't even want to talk to her because I am so angry. Blyndfaith says 'detach - now'.
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I know that's harsh but I think harsh is called for in dealing with you right now. You are a very intelligent man but Frank, your street smarts SUCK.
'street smarts'? What does that have to do with this?
