Just a quick capsule of how my weekend unfolded. I had some in person contact with WAW this weekend and that was just resulting from my dropping off the foster child which we have been sponsoring/surrogate parenting, and probably more to the point, further screwing up the life of. One sure sign that seems partly indicative of this is the terrible news that I received two nights ago. As I was readying to spend a great weekend with my ?quasi- daughter? (for lack of a better term)I received word that this girl had slid back to self harming behaviors of cutting herself which she had been free of for about 4-5 months. For me to presume that I can pinpoint what caused her to self harm again is perhaps not good(given that there are so many variables in the life a teenager) but suffice it to say that chief among those variables is her witnessing the rapidly eroding relationship between myself and my W. It makes me feel terrible for what we are doing to this already deeply wounded child to not be able to not be able to convince my wife in any way to stay in this marriage til we get it right.
As a result of the incident of this teenager cutting/scratching herself Friday, she politely requested that we reschedule this weekend's visit with me so that she could have "girl" time with my wife. I understood this entirely and let her know that I would pick her up as planned (fm the therapeutic foster hm she's at) and I would drive her to my W's place as she wished. Upon arriving there Sat PM we did the brief phony family harmony routine that has become customary but always concludes with this sweet darling child seeing either myself or W go on our merry way and disappear for the remainder of the weekend with some sorry ass pitiful excuse given. My W is the one more heavily addicted to the cool-aid than moi and for quite a while believed we were fooling this vulnerable child.
As a friend of mine mentioned to me "a lot of men are dreamers and are caught in fantasy land" with regard to being rather ignorant to the real state of our marriages. So I guess I am just aS MUCH OF A DRINKER OF THE COOL-AID
Who the heck knows? And I kinda would like for someone to take a glance @ my sitch and offer some kind words or any at all as I am feeling lonely and could sure use a boost.
Please respond if you are able to take the time to read my F . .'d up mess of a present life.
Thx in advance. May the Lord lead you, bless you and keep you well!
Gotta go walk the dog 1 last time and take care of other misc promises to self.
