Well, I changed my subject because I will say to H that I would always be there for him, but I don't know if I can really handle that.
So, Transformer:
Been thinking a lot about what you wrote.
I think the thing for me right now is my concern about the bigger issues my H has: His self-loathing, his narcissism. These are things that I can not live with ever again. But, I truthfully really doubt that H will ever address these issues because they are so deep rooted and, if he does, I think it won't be anytime soon. That is where I stand right now about believing that H and I will get back together.
So, even though it is the affair that really upsets me on a daily basis, those bigger issues are what I can't deal with. I've previously talked to my girlfriends about how this is the "worse" in for better or worse and "sickness" in sickness and health. However, he has continually turned his back on me and has continually turned his back on taking care of his own mental health. There is a part of me that feels I need to leave because of self-preservation.
That is where me thinking about dating comes in. H and I have been together since we were 18. I have never really had any other relationships, boyfriends even. I don't remember what it is like NOT to be walking on eggshells in a relationship. So, considering I'm 29 right now, relatively young, I can't help but wonder who else is out there?
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
