Get Me on a Smoother Ride.....Need Advice, Part 11

[SueS]

Hi-

Well, I did take D3 out to a movie yesterday. We had a good time. She was so sweet. I told her that where we were going was a surprise. When we pulled up at the theater, she told me...Mommy, this was a good surprise, Thank you! Oh I love her.

We got home and H was home too. I don't know what he'd done. He said he was going to get his hair cut, but he didn't. He did do some grocery shopping. Last night we were sitting around watching tv and D3 said, Daddy, why are you here tonight? Instead of taking this questions as a HUGE 2 x 4 that he hasn't spent enough time with his child, he replied....I don't know honey, I'm wondering that myself. I couldn't hold my tounge. I just said....Really nice, H.

I made breakfast for us all this morning and then started cleaning. I feel good because I got everything done. Cleaned out closets, drawers...etc. At one point today, H got a hair up his a$$ and yelled at D3 about her books on the floor. He said he was tired of our place looking messy. I quietly said, that's why we've been cleaning today. He settled down.

H continues to act like a child, a spoiled one at that. And, as I sit here, I have to be honest and say that especially over the past week or so, I'm asking myself if I still have love left for him. It's not so much that I feel I'm losing my love, as he's killing it. His comments, his actions, his lack of respect, his lack of concern for D3....etc. I just don't know who much longer I can hold on. Guys, I'm tired. I know a lot of you have gone through more or gone through this longer, but this is my second time around.

Maybe I just need a break, some time alone. The past few days have been hard to because our dog hasn't been doing well. I've never mentioned her before because she's with my mom & dad. When we moved to MN, she had to go live with them. We couldn't find a place right away that we could have her. They have a dog and absolutely love ours. We all agreed that with us having a little child and the dog being so old, that it would be best if she just stayed with my parents. She is a beautiful 14 1/2 year old Rottweiler/Husky mix. She looks like a dark Shephard. I was crushed when she had to go live with my parents. She was the only comfort I had when I went through the first A with my H. I don't want to say good-bye to her now too. D3 is very attached to her too, so that will be hard. Hopefully she'll get better, but not much seems to be going right at this time.

H left tonight and asked if I need anything from the store. He's been gone for almost and hour & 1/2 now. I'm not stupid.

Well, I better get my laundry finished. I want it all done tonight!!

Have a good one! SueS