I don't post very often since my sitch seems so different from others. I have no doubt my XH is experiencing a MLC but has not been mean and I never got the ILYBINILWY speech. He had an OW, but it ended a while ago. We have been slowly reconnecting, but he takes two steps backward sometimes. Now is one of those times. He just called me saying he was not having a very good day, depressed, etc. about everything that has happened and is happening. He has no money, started a new job since he lost his other one, and is very confused. In his words, his head is f'd-up and he doesn't know how to fix it.
Now, I haven't told him that he is probably having a MLC. I have been still and not brought up any R talk since we have been reconnecting slowly. He calls everyday, sometimes 2 and 3 times just to talk--nothing about us specifically--it's more like how you would talk to a friend. I'm wondering if there is a book out there I can get for him to help him understand what he is going through. Or should I just leave it alone? He is not a religious person, so one talking about God, etc. is not going to go over very well. I know I can't fix this for him, but I think he needs help and if I could point him in the right direction to help him understand, maybe that is what I could do without seeming to control or pressure him.
He has been to counseling, but he said it didn't help. Probably didn't have the right counselor. Now he can't afford one.
farm, I would leave well enough alone. From what you've written, you've been doing fairly well in dealing w/him and his behavior. At this time, I wouldn't give him any books about mlc, depression, etc. You see, they don't want us to "fix" them. They would like for us to be there to just listen, validate and be a friend. Continue to listen to what he has to say.
What are you doing for yourself?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm studying for my CPA exam and house-training a puppy!! I always wanted both and now have the time to do them. I take much better care of myself--treated myself to a pedicure the other day--first time!! I find ways to fill my days with positive things--reading, going to hockey games, etc. I could probably do more for myself, but I am happy right now. I keep telling myself that this is a process and I'm moving forward!
I'm glad to see you are staying busy and focused on you, what you want and your puppy! You are doing great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks peace. It's so hard to know what to do sometimes. You would think that since we're divorced, the rollercoaster ride would be over, but sometimes I get sucked back on. Detach, detach, detach!
Farm, I don't consider myself an "expert" from whom you're looking for advice, but from your blip, sems to me he's looking to talk to ( or should I say he's looking for someone that can "listen to") someone so he can verbalize what he's going through. He may be attempting to sort out by vocalizing, and you're the sounding board or perhaps the safe harbor. Forget about the D for now. He's going through or attempting to go through some changes and needs to express to someone his thoughts. For whatever reason, he feels safe in "talking it out" with you. Don't attempt to make anything more of it. Just help him along as best you can when he contacts and go on with your own life.
Thanks GB--the more I have thought about it, I agree with you and the others. He's not a talker at all, so for him to even admit that he is depressed and to let me know, I think is a positive step for him. When I asked him if something happened, he said "no, just thinking about everything that has happened and is happening." Today is the one year anniversary of when he up and left, so maybe he is aware of that. I think he wishes he could take everything back, but we all know that's not possible. I wondered if he was doing okay this morning, but I don't contact him and will wait till he contacts me--he eventually does. I will help him along as best I can.
Thanks again for the reply--I really appreciate it.
