Give this thing time. People change. All the words in the world are just going to roll off your W at the moment.
This has been going on for so long, we've been 'cycling up and down'. Affairs, DB, divorce. Don't you ever think that maybe, just maybe she's had enough?
Don't you think she isn't going to be 100% gun shy - never going to believe that if we WERE to get healthy again that it wouldn't just 'turn sour' once we're back together? That's what she's said in the past "when we're together we go back to the old unhealthy ways so we shouldn't be together".
The only reason she came back last time was because our counselor convinced her it wouldn't got that way again. I believed it too. I didn't know that I was so damaged and she wasn't going to be able to help ME.
I don't mean to be stupid here but I don't see her and I fixing it any more. she's done and as she said "It's too late, even when I change, she just doesn't want this any more". And I don't want to hurt any more. I love her and she is a beautiful soul but damaged and toxic.
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You need to start living the life you want to live. The one you believe will save YOU. Not your M. You. Just then you might have a chance a bit further down the line to save your M.
Really, this is all I can do. Save myself. At least then I can do something for the kids.
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Everything you say shows that your W is scared and hurting and so she wants to run away - the old fight or flight thing. You cannot reason her into saying what you want to hear. She is scared. You have got to man up and show her that you are the better option. You know she cannot afford to leave and she told you that she will keep up appearances for the next few months. Use that to your advantage - you know she is not going to walk out the door tomorrow. It is also unlikely, I expect, that financially she will be able to leave by the summer.
The only thing I think she is 'scared' about is whether she can make a life on her own financially. I don't think she's scared about me any more. She's done.
She's already calling her various friends trying to put together a plan to move forward with her business, her 'growth'.
That's been her goal recently anyway - now she can 'do it' since she obviously expects me to take care of housing the kids.
And all he friends will see that she is 'happier' so they will support her decisions. After all, the only thing she has to do is figure out how to 'forgive' herself for not being able to keep her marriage vows, her commitment to me. I have to let go of the blame I put on myself for not being strong - again.
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BTW, whatever you do is going to hurt - whether it be try and save your M or go toward D. Neither option is without immense pain so you just have to acknowledge that and move forwards.
I can't save my marriage. I won't help her divorce, but she'll do what she 'has to do'.
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So many people care about you and yet you seem to WANT to fail.
I don't want to 'fail'. I'm stuck with only one choice now - save myself while in this pain AGAIN. Maybe I chose poorly when I chose her and I NEED to let her go. Yeah, I made a vow also but I didn't do a good job living up to it either.
