Mopsey, Your patience tank is running on empty. Step back and refuel yourself. You are trying to analyze your situation and believe it or not, he's in depression. He's got to find himself and a way out of it. It all takes time.
If you remember, you can look at the stages, but no two people are alike in crisis. Each will do different things and yet have similiar behaviors as well. Some move at a faster speed and others poke along. The individual in crisis and the demons he/she is dealing with will determine the length of time they are lost/confused. We can't rush them along. We are now on their time clocks. Life seems to be buzzing along quickly for us, but to them, it's creeping.
I think your h has been moving along at a very slow pace. However, I would rather see a slow pace than a faster one. He's been a tough one to crack and he's fought it along the way, but w/the help of a therapist, he may begin to see some light. You just have to be patient. I know you hate that word, but I will continue to remind you to dig deep for it. You may have an empty tank right now, but it will fill up again very soon.
Was your life w/him a lie? I seriously do not think so. Look around you. You have two beautiful children, a home, a pet and the time you spent w/your h before the switch was flipped was comfortable and meaningful. Never doubt that you have a nice life together. Yes, we all tend to doubt ourselves periodically, but step back and look at all of the things that you two accomplished together. Your answers will lie there.
You must have patience, hope and faith in order to continue on your journey. If you don't feel that you have these three keys, then you need to step back and detach even more from your situation and put the focus back on to you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
