Haven't been on much this week. Been keeping busy with the kids. Between swimming, softball, cooking, cleaning and running with them....I am so angry that I am doing it all. H is no help.
I asked God on thursday night before bed to give me a sign to keep standing, and H sent me a TM that night. You were right Snodderly, it was only a matter of time before he poked his head out again. He tm'd on thurs and friday night. Around 11. When I don't immediately answer, he calls. He was stressing about his car and down. Didn't hear from him last night....probably out with MOW.
Today he was disappointed that d12 and I would not be home. He didn't call until after 1 and she was at softball and then we were headed to the library to work on a project. He was off to a work party (or so he says).
Bumped into one of d12's old softball coaches today and mentioned it to her. I told her he lost a lot of weight and looks great. She gave me a funny look and said "even though dad is dating, I don't want you to." I told her the thought never crossed my mind. H must still with the MOW then....whatever.
I wish my H would just hit rock bottom right now....but since he is still in replay ....I guess he has a ways to go. I don't think he is still taking his medication. Intuition i guess...but my gut is usually right. He is supposed to have counseling tomorrow. Whatever.
I have to say that not seeing him this weekend has been good. It was so good to just be with my kids and not dealing with him. I shouldn't speak to soon...he is like to show up to see d12 tonight.
Snodderly, this summer he seemed like he missed home so much and wanted to be a part of things....but now, I just don't know. He never speaks of the D, the listing of the house has expired (not going to jinx that one...as he may spring that on me soon) and he keeps apologizing for not being here when I need help (i.e....garage door broke again this week...and my neighbor had to help me again.).......so why isn't he making a turn towards home.
Is he keeping both of his options open or is he just in lala land and not realizing that this limbo is so hard on all...especially the kids? Part of me feels so used...while he is out with MOW...then calling me....then with her....It is so hard. I felt this morning like h never loved me. If it was so easy to leave and so hard to come home....than was it all a lie for all of these years?
