Real growing and healing

[saffie]

Frank,

You keep on picking at an open sore and you just can't leave it alone.

Give this thing time. People change. All the words in the world are just going to roll off your W at the moment.

You need to start living the life you want to live. The one you believe will save YOU. Not your M. You. Just then you might have a chance a bit further down the line to save your M.

Everything you say shows that your W is scared and hurting and so she wants to run away - the old fight or flight thing. You cannot reason her into saying what you want to hear. She is scared. You have got to man up and show her that you are the better option. You know she cannot afford to leave and she told you that she will keep up appearances for the next few months. Use that to your advantage - you know she is not going to walk out the door tomorrow. It is also unlikely, I expect, that financially she will be able to leave by the summer.

Stop wallowing, stop reading too much into the minutae detail of evey post, and start living and moving forward. In addition, stop fretting about the things you cannot control and the things you cannot change. Acknowledge them and then tuck them away - brooding on them is not healthy or productive. You were right in an earlier post when you said you over think things - you still are doing that. At least learn from your own postings even if you get nothing from other peoples. PLEASE

BTW, whatever you do is going to hurt - whether it be try and save your M or go toward D. Neither option is without immense pain so you just have to acknowledge that and move forwards.

I am sorry if this post appears harsh, but you are obviously a very intelligent man and yet are not acting that way. So many people care about you and yet you seem to WANT to fail.