I'm actually in a good place today. Thanks Michele for writing to me. I am going to get the book. I have heard wonderful things about it. My H and I did a lot of talking last night and today. I told him he is borderline for a mental breakdown. He cries a lot when we talk. I think he feels so incredibly guilty that he dosen't know what's right anymore. Anyway, he left for his golf weekend and I told him for the last time that I love him with all my heart and soul, that I want us to have a life together and raise our child together but I can't allow him to treat me this way anymore. I know for a fact that if he leaves here he will still be miserable. I for the first time through all of this feel like I have a little bit of control again. I told him my son and I will be here waiting for him to come home. Thursday is our 15 year anniversary. I told him we could start over again and have a very happy life together. But until he can forgive himself and look me in the eyes and tell me he truly loves me I can't forgive him. I don't know what will happen when he comes home on Tuesday night but I do know that I'll be ok...NikkiNY
