I don't feel like I have the energy for this anymore. H was carrying on in counselling about his sadness as our d's birthday approaches!!!! never gave me much of a chance for anything. He seems to use c for himself while I stand there like a driveby victim. When I eventually got my turn asked him for truth about his R with OW. I was told we will deal with it in next session. Two days later he comes to see d and he is not wearing his wedding ring! I ask why and he gives some excuse about rash on his hand. Why can my h not just give me the truth.
My h came to see his d today and his ring was back on his finger. He was in a strange mood. He then offered to swop cars so I could use the better car to drive d around in. that is a really nice thing to do! But at the end of each visit he manages to push my buttons and raises my defenses. He then says...why do you always have to do this! I think that is his way of making sure when he leaves he justifies why he left in the first place. He replied to a text later in the day and said have a nice day. He is totally screwing with my mind!
My h came to see his d today and his ring was back on his finger. He was in a strange mood. He then offered to swop cars so I could use the better car to drive d around in. that is a really nice thing to do! But at the end of each visit he manages to push my buttons and raises my defenses. He then says...why do you always have to do this! I think that is his way of making sure when he leaves he justifies why he left in the first place. He replied to a text later in the day and said have a nice day. He is totally screwing with my mind!
Help, any advice.
I think he's afraid of things feeling good with you. He's going through some serious internal struggles right now. He's having good moments with you, but then tries to sabotage them to justify his actions. Typical. Stupid, but typical. You just keep working your DB skills and he'll sabotage less and less.
Regards,
ntl
Me: 30 H: 32 Dating 10/96 Married 8/01 H PA's: Summer 97, 12/06, 5/07-10/23/07 My Saga
Went with h to counselling and he basically said his r with ow is going well. They are growing closer and clicking well. When asked to make a choice he chose ow. C also told him it would not be healthy for him to give up ow right now as he has no one else!!!!!can someone explain this, the c saying yes continue your affair! she told me she is worried about h and it is healthy for him to have someone?????
He said R is not PA but just EA, but i dont believe that. Would it be unwise to phone OW or go see her and tell her my H is important to me and has told me about their R and to tell her i want my M to work and for her step back or would that just push H and ow closer? C told me ow is not the cause of this and if h settles with her it is not her fault.
If i go dark etc he is just using that to forget me and get closer to ow. One thing he did do is swop cars so i could drive d in safer on.
Help this ride is starting to get out of control, i just want my h to come home. he admitted to no longer wanting responsability of a family. Yet he gets straight into another r.
Went with h to counselling and he basically said his r with ow is going well. They are growing closer and clicking well. When asked to make a choice he chose ow. C also told him it would not be healthy for him to give up ow right now as he has no one else!!!!!can someone explain this, the c saying yes continue your affair! she told me she is worried about h and it is healthy for him to have someone?????
He said R is not PA but just EA, but i dont believe that. Would it be unwise to phone OW or go see her and tell her my H is important to me and has told me about their R and to tell her i want my M to work and for her step back or would that just push H and ow closer? C told me ow is not the cause of this and if h settles with her it is not her fault.
If i go dark etc he is just using that to forget me and get closer to ow. One thing he did do is swop cars so i could drive d in safer on.
Help this ride is starting to get out of control, i just want my h to come home. he admitted to no longer wanting responsability of a family. Yet he gets straight into another r.
OH. MY. GOD. What the heck kind of counselor is this? Find another one pronto! This one is a wack-job!
Me: 30 H: 32 Dating 10/96 Married 8/01 H PA's: Summer 97, 12/06, 5/07-10/23/07 My Saga
That is what i thought but when i phoned her after session she said that he is fragile and if he loses support of ow she is worried about what he will do. I am trapped in this. If i walk away from counselling i will lose what little contact i have with him. if i stay she is screwing it up. She told me it is the best interest of the marriage.
Do i give this all up and watch my h ride into the sunset with his new girlfriend??????
Would it be unwise to phone OW or go see her and tell her my H is important to me and has told me about their R and to tell her i want my M to work and for her step back
Do not do this. You will most likely regret it. She won't care, and it won't help you feel any better.
Find a new counselor. That's crazy talk about the OW. The only rational thing in there is that this A isn't *all* about the other woman. I can see now (many months out) that H's A was a result of what was wrong with him (and us) at the time.
when i think about is i screwed up so badly...h told he the i dont love you story and instead of keeping quiet i pushed him and two days later he left. that was 3 months ago. in counselling h tells me his reason for leaving me is not ow, but his r with ow is developing. I just want him to come home. Counsellor says i need to let him work things out for himself, even if that means being with ow to help him feel better about himself.
The fact is, I'm sure, your H has been drawn away by the dream of a life with OW. My W has told me plenty of times that she was leaving for herself, not for OM. However, she never mentioned leaving before OM was around. What a coincidence.
I have to agree with your C. As much as it sucks, you need to back off a little and let your H go and be stupid. There are no guarantees so you MUST continue to work on yourself.
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Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
