I did not post in a while. My life is hell now. H didn't go for his trip. We had a long talk, he begged me to give him another chance. Anyway we had this huge fight about his sexual rejection to me. The next day I was taking measures to leave him for good. We had another talk, I was calm and distant this time. He asked me no to go along with my plans and give it a thought, he would give me space and try to reconnect. Well after a day, these images of him with OW haunted me to the point I got sick to my stomach. I ended up releasing on him everything I was feeling. He said he never saw me like that before.That the pain was tangible. he said anyway our deal about space and thinking is on.
A couple of days passed, I tried to get my senses back, read a lot, GAL and everything else.
Yesterday he chased me physically. It felt good. We went out for dinner. When we came back, I let him know I wanted to ML. he rejected me again, acting tired. I just shut my mouth and went to bed. Today he left on a business trip, before he left he just gave me a long and sad look.
I wanted to tell him that I am fed up with this, he was not tired to catch a plan and have sex with OW.But he is tired to do that with me. How does he expect me to cope with these feelings if he is not helping much?
Well, finally all my hope is gone. I have to face that despite I love so many aspects of my life with him, I do not want to be a celibate and don't want to be hurt again by his old ways.
I am feeling so tired and depressed and the pain won't go away. It's a minute by minute exercise of not doing something stupid like snooping, calling OW or letting him messages in his email and messaging.
