Hopefully you're kidding about isolating yourself from your family and friends. It sounds like you're already doing a 180 and doing a fantastic job at it. I've been reading this entire thread, and you sound like a very strong person to me. I wish I could "go dark" the way you did when you were blindsided by H with that terrible note. I have found that I need to call a friend or family member at least 3-4 times a week, and my H is still living in our home! I also get extremely angry at times and find it difficult to hold my tongue...you seem to do well with that too. I meet with my church counselor (a long time married woman like me)at least once a week. She has been helpful in helping me raise my self esteem but has advised me to ask my H to leave. I can't do that and cry everytime I think of it.
In short, I very much admire the way you're handling your situation and have learned a lot from you and all the people in this thread who posted answers. I am in the process of reading Michele's The Divorce Remedy again and it does help.
Me: 53 H: 53 M: 29 Yrs ILYBINILWY: Aug. 07 S: 24 D: 21 D: 15 H still in the house but distant with me.
I call friends and family all the time when I feel bad, and they are so kind. That's what they're there for, right? They can count on me too.
I think the reason it seems to you that I am doing well is that I was divorced once before and I handled it all wrong. I vowed if it ever happened again that I would handle things differently.
He has made no moves toward me and his B-day is coming up in a couple weeks. Should I just do a 180 and ignore it?
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KL, I would ignore his birthday or at least just send him a birthday card, no I love Us. Send it to him by snail mail. I have yet, with all our technology, met anyone who does not enjoy receiving personal mail in their regular mail box. Just my thoughts. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Well, just got back from seeing my C, and he advised me to file for D because he doesn't foresee any way to save my marriage. C thinks that my H has moved on and is perfectly happy with his new life and that I am just wasting my time.
OK, I really need some help. My C, whom I have seen since my first M and D(20 yrs ago), is telling me to just get a D again. I am so upset and my gut is telling me to discontinue my sessions. Don't get me wrong, this C has helped we with my terrible panic disorder throughout the years, but I feel this C is not on the same page as me anymore. Definitely not solution oriented!
I think my H is in MLC and I want to proceed in that direction. My C just wants me to file for D immediately and sees no way out for me. I am considering just not going back for counseling with this therapist, even though it has been helpful in other areas of my life.
If you are not comfortable with the direction your C is trying to steer you then I would think it's time to get yourself a new C. Although you are grateful for the help he or she has given you in the past you have a plan to try to save your marriage and this C is going to throw you off course.
Good luck with your decision, I know it won't be easy.
I know that is the right decision because I suspect that my H is in MLC after all. H claims to be enjoying his independence and a more unencumbered, simple life. And maybe he is, but H has only been gone two months and it seems premature for me to pull the plug on my marriage just yet.
Kimmie Lee if you don't mind me saying so, I think you are making a mistake to label your husband MLC.
Clearly SD17 was a thorn in your side. CLEARLY to everyone she was a thorn in your side. I think it's her you ought to be DBing first, and your husband secondly.
I have read all your posts and I don't see any remorse except for the fact that you don't have what you want. Perhaps I am mistaken but you might ought to put less emphasis on your stepdaughter being the cause of your marital situation and instead, start looking closer in the mirror.
As for your counselor, my opinion of him is that he sucks. There is no need to pull the plug on your marriage right now. I actually felt a lot of hope for your relationship with your husband as I read of your interactions with him. I do however think the source of your problems is a little closer to home than you are willing to consider right now.
