Calling Corri

[Crazy Eddie]

I don't think anything untoward ever happened to me, but the freaking out at night is definitely something I'm familiar with. All the anxieties that you (mostly) have under control during the day are much harder to control when it's dark and everyone else is sleeping and you're supposed to be still and let your guard down and let eight hours pass without even being aware of what happens, much less able to defend yourself against it.

In the middle of the night, I've managed to convince myself at various times that I have rabies, cancer, anthrax, and heart disease. I've lain awake wondering if this is the night my gas furnace or water heater is going to leak carbon monoxide and kill me and my entire family in our sleep, and gotten up more than once each night to check on the infernal devices. In college I slept on top of a bunk bed in my dorm for years, until one night I took it down because I was sure I was going to roll off of it in the middle of the night and bash my brains out on the floor, and never slept on a top bunk again. I moved away from a large city with a heavy military presence because I couldn't sleep at night thinking it was going to be hit by a terrorist with a nuclear weapon or a crop duster with anthrax - this was years before 9/11 - and seriously messed up our finances doing so.

So I definitely know what you're going through. All I can say is:

1. (((Corri)))
2. Classical music sometimes helps, especially if you're alone and no one else will be kept awake with it. And the TV's sometimes good for helping you switch off your brain. (Sometimes a little too good, as we all know, but that's what you need here...)
3. If it hasn't gotten worse lately, it's probably not going to kill you anytime soon. That's actually gotten me through some nights sometimes.
4. I can't recall if you're on ADs, but they work. I've been sleeping pretty well for the past year or so.