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What I'd like to focus on and master:
1) Deactivating my buttons. There was a time I'd react angrily to her personal attacks but now I won't take it personally.
2) Validation and acknowlegement. Even if she insists the moon is made of blue cheese and I'm the most horrible man I will sincerely validate. I will thank and praise her at every opportunity.

Time to take stock ...

So far I've focused on the above goals to do directly with W and looks like I've made reasonable progress for which I'm very grateful. I will continue along this path. I think underlying this is learning to "detach" from "everything" not just from W.

Secondarily I've started to dress better, go the the gym, meet old friends, read more books, etc. All these are not directly related to W but have propped up my self esteem and I'm grateful for the time and resources gifted to me in order to do this.

I'm still very scared of being "divorced", of the financial and legal burden, the future of my kids, loneliness, etc. when I dwell on these matters. But I'm too busy and somewhat detached to mope.

I don't know my next major goal regarding W and the D!? But again I think its got to be something where I work on myself to become a better person and a better dad, with or without W. So I will improve my empathy, kindness, generosity and courage.

I'd like to see W expressing a desire to withdraw the D and work on the M but that's a distant dream not a goal. Does anyone have good suggestions for positive, realistic, action-orient goals directed at W given where I'm now?