Sara I have to respectfully disagree with you. LO is married. Her husband is committing adultery. If she starts dating someone else, she is "one of them" then.
Dating someone to make her H jealous is wrong as well. She shouldn't be going out with someone else to draw her H back. She may not feel any differant after the D is final, but wrong is wrong. Marriage is a covenant and just because her H is breaking it, doesn't void the 7th Commandment for her. Her intention may not be to commit adultery, but the possibility is there.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Man...Theo...I love reading this, it pops up whenever I read Olive's thread and gives me warm fuzzies that friends out there feel so strongly for people like us.
As Olive's friends we should be supportive of her, whatever she chooses to do. So I will not judge her if she chooses not to date, and I hope you will not judge her if she chooses to date. It is Olive's life, and she needs to do what she feels is the best thing for her. The choice she would like to make has been taken away from her. She is left to choose only from lifestyles she never wanted. but she must find her way, and she will.
I agree with Sara AND just because you say that another man has said men are pigs, mc, doesn't mean that is a FACT. Even if it is a fact if LO wants to date platonically surely it is what goes on in her mind that is what is between her and God not what is going on in any perverted male mind of the guy she dates.
Her H has been cruel in the extreme and anything that makes Olive feel better about herself is good in my book. She has shown nothing but strength and integrity in the face of great adversity; I don't see her changing her views now. She does however deserve some light relief and support and personally I believe there are men out there who have stronger moral fibre that you are implying mc.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hmm... I am really struggling with this. It's not like I have 100 men lining up outside my door but, what if I met someone I wanted to hang out with "as friends"? I believe that is possible with some guys.
I am not trying to make H jealous. Male companionship would just be nice at this point. But, I also really don't want to put myself in the position to throw caution to the wind and become "one of them". And... yet... I've really been D'ing my H for over a year. The commitment was broken a long time ago .. Geez.. I can see how these people justify their A's!!!
LO, nothing wrong with male friends. Its very boosting, to remember that you are a good person, a fun person, someone definately worth spending time with. Just do it for you and no one else. I don't believe in breaking your marriage vows, but do believe in doing anything to make your remember that you are valued by many.
I worked with mostly men and I disagree with it being impossible to having friends of the opposite sex. There are some men out there that would take advantage of Olive being vulnerable at this time, just as there are women out there that would do the same thing to a man...
I really wanted to comment on H's counselor's suggestion. I wouldn't go anywhere Olive. Your D will be fine when/if the D actually happens. You don't want to spend time away from her. If H so chooses to do so, then fine. I have fought this battle with my H (he even jokingly suggested we live together after the D to raise the kids), and he wanted basically the same thing. I thought about it, it didn't feel right, so I am not doing it.
Do what feels right to you. You are the one living your life and this is a question you would never have been asking yourself if your H had remained true and faithful.
We all need friends - it doesn't mean you are going to get physically involved. Trust your instincts.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
