Alternate reality??

[koshka]

Casey,

Yeah...I'm wondering if I'm sooo close to filling out those forms because I desparately want some control. Or, is it because I really do want a divorce.

There aren't many who really do want a divorce. Even people in truly abusive relationships might prefer that the abuse end without ending the marriage.

There's nothing wrong with wanting that kind of control, though. If your spouse is unfaithful and persists in infidelity, you may need to take control of your life in your own hands again to protect your finances and your sanity. In a healthy marriage, each spouse cedes some "control" of his/her own life to the marriage. When the marriage is not allowed to survive due to infidelity, that "control" should revert back to you. The "living in limbo" feeling is the result of being the only partner still ceding "control" to the marriage.

H: Why?
M: Because she's your daughter and well, I...pause
H: and what?
M: [pause] Well...I could do with the money.
H: Well why don't you say that instead of pulling the guilt trip

What guilt trip? He turned the tables neatly there, didn't he?

Would it be bad form to tell him that I've downloaded the forms or should I just file and let him find out when he gets served that I am serious?

If you want to tell him when you file, you could probably do that. Do you imagine that if you convince him that you're serious, he'd take action to hold your marriage and your family together?

I've asked her a couple of times over the last three days if she wants to call him and she always says no. She doesn't seem bothered by him not calling.

Believe her. Make sure she knows that you will help her get in contact with him when it's important (and that doesn't mean to cry to him because you want her to finish her dinner or go to bed at a decent hour!).

You can't force her to have something to say to him. You can't control the relationship that they will have. All you can do is support their attempts to stay in touch with one another.

Happy Sunday!

Joe