karen, for some reason, I didn't see your post until this morning. Probably groggy from getting up too early... or else sleeping too late.
You're absolutely right: putting as much as possible in the car the night before is the thing to do. I probably will even shower and wash my hair the night before, too. He11, maybe I'll sleep in my clothes!
I don't know whether bf is going to say anything or not. My money would be on NOT. I could say something, but why? Yesterday he called me in the afternoon and said he was making dinner at his mom's apartment and both girls were coming over because they go back to school tomorrow, and did I want to come. Well... I really didn't. In the past, I would have gone for him, for them, and because it was the normal and right thing to do. It would paint the correct picture: me having dinner with the family that I'm sort of part of but sort of not. But when I really thought about how I felt, FOR ME, I didn't want to. It didn't sound like an evening I would enjoy all that much. So I declined. He seemed perfectly fine with that.
I do love his daughters, and I'm sure they know that. I've never acted like a stepmother or anything, more like an older friend. I hinted to one of them a few weeks ago that there might be some changes in the future, and she said, "You'll always be one of the girls." He IS a great dad and they are fabulous young women.
BAKE BREAD MUCK ABOUT QUIT MOANING STOP CONSUMING START PRODUCING BACK TO THE LAND SMASH USURY EMBRACE BEAUTY IGNORE THE STATE REFORM IS FUTILE HAIL THE SPADE HAIL THE QUILL LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR BE CREATIVE DIG THE EARTH MAKE COMPOST DOWN WITH HEALTH DOWN WITH SAFETY DOWN WITH WORK DOWN WITH PENSIONS BE ALIVE BE MERRY
Lil, How unbelievably wonderful it is to hear how well you are doing. You have managed to break through a dynamic that has kept you locked in misery for so long. I hope you will find your balance, a day at a time. The freedom can induce panic, so go slowly, my friend.
As far as the ankle goes, it's the same advice: go slowly. It takes an entire year for the healing to take place, so you have to respect that. The swelling will improve. My ankle still will swell, but I use that to my advantage, and create opportunites to rest. It doesn't limit me in my day to day activities...I just approach life at a different pace. It turns out, this is good for me mentally as well.
Are you considering doing physical therapy? I did it for about 3 months and I remember it being a fun experience...you work out the ankle and you get to meet others in all sorts of predicaments. If you go the same time every week, it has a group therapy/social comraderie feel to it! Again, just don't overdo anything.
Yes, the doctor wants me to walk in the boot for two weeks then go back to him and he will send me to P.T. I'm totally fine with that. I want to do everything re the ankle By the Book! [snappy salute!]
This afternoon the doggies went flying next door, so I knew bf was there. I was on my way to the grocery store, but when I got back I drove up to his cabin. I had bought a rotisserie chicken and some veggies to roast (they are in the oven right now and the wonderful smell is filling the house). I asked him if he wanted to come over later for dinner and to watch a movie. He said at first maybe, then switched to probably. I (still sitting in my car) reached for his hand and said, "You can come back over here with the dogs to spend the night. This is the way I'm seeing it. I think we love each other very much. And I think that we are meant to be family to each other. We have the dogs, we love your daughters, we help each other out, we're neighbors now. But I just don't think the boy-girl thing is working out." He sort of shrugged. I continued, "I want us to be a part of each other's lives. I do think of us as family to each other, but the romantic part just isn't on track." He thought for a minute and then said, "I think I like that." I said, "I really do, too." Him: "Yeah, that sounds right." So I started the car and said, "Come over anytime after it gets dark." And I drove off. Just like that.
Are you ok with this? I get the sense from your posts that at times you wish that there was more there...and then at the same time, you almost seem relieved that it is the way it is now.
How did you do on getting up early? Or did you treat yourself to some extra time in between them new sheets Ohhh how I miss being able to sleep in
I'm absolutely FINE with it. I never wanted to kick him out of my life. If he were out of my life, my quality of life would NOT improve. This is great.
Have to get up early Monday morning, so I haven't tested the ideas yet. Sleeping late is wonderful, isn't it?
BF (I'll continue to call him that for now anyway) came over for a very nice dinner, and then we watched a TERRIFIC movie: "3:10 to Yuma"-- wonderful Western, good plot, very exciting, great acting, subtle character development. Highly recommend it.
Then he left, walking back over to his place with the dogs. I'll be off to bed soon by myself. This is going to be so fine.
