Get Me on a Smoother Ride.....Need Advice, Part 11

[Rob1231]

It angers me because that's just one more day and hours of time that he's losing with D3, yet he seems not to care at all. He could take her to a movie or a play area or something, just the two of them.

Well, I need to get busy and get some things done here. Maybe I'll take D3 to a movie!

Hi Sue, Remember, MLCers are totally selfish and self-centered. Try to take the long view - someday, he'll get his act together, or he won't. Either way, it's out of your control - so don't worry about it, just do the best you can for D3 and let H work out his own baloney.

Remember, Time and Patience are your best friends!

[LL44]

Pamar is right. When I started getting out and doing things while H ignored us, he would hear about the fun we had. I wouldn't have to prompt the girls, they would gush. Now, he says "So, what did you guys do today?".

I hate those sarcastic remarks, I get them too. So rude and immature, and disrespectful.

[SueS]

Hi-

Well, I did take D3 out to a movie yesterday. We had a good time. She was so sweet. I told her that where we were going was a surprise. When we pulled up at the theater, she told me...Mommy, this was a good surprise, Thank you! Oh I love her.

We got home and H was home too. I don't know what he'd done. He said he was going to get his hair cut, but he didn't. He did do some grocery shopping. Last night we were sitting around watching tv and D3 said, Daddy, why are you here tonight? Instead of taking this questions as a HUGE 2 x 4 that he hasn't spent enough time with his child, he replied....I don't know honey, I'm wondering that myself. I couldn't hold my tounge. I just said....Really nice, H.

I made breakfast for us all this morning and then started cleaning. I feel good because I got everything done. Cleaned out closets, drawers...etc. At one point today, H got a hair up his a$$ and yelled at D3 about her books on the floor. He said he was tired of our place looking messy. I quietly said, that's why we've been cleaning today. He settled down.

H continues to act like a child, a spoiled one at that. And, as I sit here, I have to be honest and say that especially over the past week or so, I'm asking myself if I still have love left for him. It's not so much that I feel I'm losing my love, as he's killing it. His comments, his actions, his lack of respect, his lack of concern for D3....etc. I just don't know who much longer I can hold on. Guys, I'm tired. I know a lot of you have gone through more or gone through this longer, but this is my second time around.

Maybe I just need a break, some time alone. The past few days have been hard to because our dog hasn't been doing well. I've never mentioned her before because she's with my mom & dad. When we moved to MN, she had to go live with them. We couldn't find a place right away that we could have her. They have a dog and absolutely love ours. We all agreed that with us having a little child and the dog being so old, that it would be best if she just stayed with my parents. She is a beautiful 14 1/2 year old Rottweiler/Husky mix. She looks like a dark Shephard. I was crushed when she had to go live with my parents. She was the only comfort I had when I went through the first A with my H. I don't want to say good-bye to her now too. D3 is very attached to her too, so that will be hard. Hopefully she'll get better, but not much seems to be going right at this time.

H left tonight and asked if I need anything from the store. He's been gone for almost and hour & 1/2 now. I'm not stupid.

Well, I better get my laundry finished. I want it all done tonight!!

Have a good one! SueS

[LL44]

I've been wondering where you were today. What movie did you see with D3? How cute that you made it a surprise. D6 loves them, although she begs to be told the surprise the entire way there.

Your H. Sigh. The blatant rude comments, the overall 'annoyance' with the house and everyone in it. I've been there, and yes, its hard to not comment when they are stomping around like big babies. You do still love your H, but he is pushing you away right now, so that's hard. You find yourself detaching a bit, and that's ok. Try to ignore the comments (soo hard!) and don't worry about where he goes (soo hard!) and just live you life for yourself and D3.

Are you going to try to talk with him again in the future?

[Rob1231]

Hi Sue, Sorry H is being such a clown. This comment...

... when they are stomping around like big babies.

... reminded me of a trick I learned from SDFoundGirl that helped get me through this part. She suggested thinking of your spouse as an overly-dramatic, cartoonish character when they get into these moods. (Her H, as I recall, was the Phantom of the Opera. My W was Marvin the Martian.) Having that thought in my head could really help me pull back from W when she was in one of her vile moods - rather than get sucked in, I could just laugh inside at how ridiculous she was acting. Try it!

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. We had a bichon that we had to have put down about 3 years ago (she was 15 and in pretty bad shape.) It was the first time I had ever had to do that as the grown up, rather than being the kid and having my own parents have the responsibility. Looking back, I know that it was time, and we did the right thing - but it was still a really hard thing to go through. (((Sue)))

[fightingirish]

((((sues)))

Im sorry that your H is acting like such a jerk. He is very immature and needs an attitude adjustment.

Im glad you had a good time with you D3.. thank the gods above that you have eachother.

Pets are so dear to us.. they are like a part of the family, i've had lots of pets growing up and its heartbreaking when they get older and sick.

Maybe you could go out by yourself sometime just to get away.. do you have a sitter for your daughter? Even if it was a couple of hours to walk the mall or go for a manicure, just for you to regroup.. I think you need that right now.. and as for the feeling like your love is leaving for him, I would imagine that you are going through some serious detachment from him, and that for all that you've been through this is totally understandable. Everyone reaches there threshold of what they can stand at some point and there is just so much someone can take from someone that they love.

You have a good job, and A wonderful daughter, please try and focus on that and I think he further you keep your heart away from H, the better off you will be right now. As for your D3..She is still young, but she will know something is going on. All you can do is love her and comfort her. When she is older she will remember that.

hugs to you and D3



tal

[chicki]

I have gotten on the list of complaints is why the place is such a mess like the girls rooms.

You have only one child?
I have three and H expects it perfect all the time!!!

For some reason they have it more of a mess when H comes to vist!!! H even had this oen of his stipulation to come home-he said this to the girls!! that they needee to keep it clean!!
On his last visit I helped the girls clean it just before he came over and no soon as I turned my back to finsih cooking d7 took all her blankets down and had them spread all over the floor!!

Yet he lets them do whatever over at his & OW's. I guess since its not technically their romm,whatever.
Jus another excuse to justify their leaving...as dumb as it seems...

[Rob1231]

Hi Sue, Saw this thread - MLC Resources - mentioned on another posting, thought you might get some good out of it. (I have always loved the MLC for Dummies stuff!)

[SweetRedd]

Sue,

Just stopped by to let you know I'm thinking of you It's sad that your H continues to make his jerkish comments, especially when D3 asks a question Her question should've felt like a boot upside his *ss, but he's obviously in his own world still. (((SUE))).

Wanted to let you know I'm still around. S21 has been home from college and S5 and S8 had bdays today so we've been out and about alot.

Sheila

[Pamar]

Sue,

Sorry to hear about the dog. We lost ours just over a year ago and it was hard. D3 will support you through it though.

I like Rob'S comment also, my W is now Mrs Angry!