the door is now wide open!

[BeingMe]

You know, Wii and FLTC, I am starting to understand my own H a little when I read about your sitches. I never understood how he could be afraid of me (I had huge anger issues, IMO, although pretty tame compared to your wives). I wasn't a nagger, and would have a blow-up on the odd occasion, usually with the kids, but I was quite blown away myself when he told me he was afraid of me. I couldn't figure it out, especially since I had started to work through my issues which caused my anger, and I was a lot calmer in the couple of years before the A. It's very strange to me, since he used to get really angry at the kids himself (more than me), and has a really loud voice, and he can nag and nag sometimes, and has very high expectations regarding me.

I can only assume it's because I don't frighten easy since I come from a family of fighters and arguers, whereas his family don't discuss anything too controversial and never argue. I seldom back down (although, I do now, if it's hardly worth the bother) from a confrontation. So, perhaps it's that trait that makes him a little afraid?

"isn't it your job to make sure I understand these things?"

As for your W, Wii ... it's not our job to do anything in the M, other than what we choose to do. I do think men and women have different roles within the M, that would make it more harmonious if they choose to take on that role. But, teaching our spouses things like understanding a stupid cable bill is ridiculous, and she was obviously sucking it out of her thumb. Nitpicking, and stupid expectations, and nagging is not going to get anyone a good M, that's for sure. But, also being afraid to stand up for oneself, and being passive-aggressive (such as my H can be) will get one nowhere fast too.

I guess, you have a more objective viewpoint of your M, now that you are away from the continuous nitpicking, and other soul destroying events. Perhaps, you can learn now that you teach people how to treat you, and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. I hope your W will be able to grow and learn too, but maybe it's just not her time to do so yet (if ever). Sad, really! I am so glad that I am over my anger issues. It's been quite a ride for me, but I found that when I let go of my past, and of my fears, all the other negative stuff followed. Not to say I don't get fearful, sad or irritated anymore, but it's way less than before, and never angry and aggressive, such as I used to do to protect my feelings. I think this is what your W does ... she attacks before she gets attacked, and now it's gotten to be a bad habit, and she probably doesn't even realise what she's doing.

Eh, I'm writing a freaking novel here. Anyway, just some thoughts, and I may be totally wrong in reading your sitch.

Your dad sounds like an awesome guy ... you are so lucky to have him.